In a Dungeons & Dragons campaign, a player who had just announced his sexuality in real life found the courage to reveal his character's true identity in the game. The author, who grew up in Nairobi, Kenya, where being queer was something to hide, explains how the tabletop role-playing game provided a safe space to explore and express his queer identity.
The Game as a Safe Space
The author describes how, as a brave knight in a campaign, he pulled off his helmet and let the imaginary villagers see who he really was. This was not a dramatic reveal in the fantasy world, but the identity he revealed was real, as he had just announced his sexuality to his fellow players.
In Dungeons & Dragons, players create and control fictional personas, with one person acting as the Dungeon Master who describes the world. The game relies on imagination, collaboration, and a shared agreement to pretend together, with no screens or controllers.
Finding Belonging
The author explains that he was not just playing a character; he was playing a version of himself he had been too afraid to be in real life – a queer man. For a long time, he was shy about his sexuality, but in front of his fellow fantasy role-playing gamers, he finally found safety.
The other players did not make a big deal of his announcement; they just kept playing, which told him he belonged. Growing up, he did not have the language for what he was feeling, knowing he was different by age eleven but not knowing how to name it.
Character as a Mirror
The author recalls creating a character named Kael, a half-elf ranger with a complicated backstory. Kael was brave, loyal, and a little reckless – everything the author wanted to be. Through Kael, the author learned that he could be brave too, and that the parts of himself he was hiding were worth sharing.
He played with that group for about a year before schedules pulled them apart, but he still keeps in touch with some of them and continues to play Dungeons & Dragons. The game helped him form bonds and build community, and he still carries the joy of being seen and accepted with him.
