A 30-year-old woman has confessed to fabricating her life story to a new partner she met online, and now fears the deception will destroy their relationship. She reached out to agony aunt Coleen Nolan for advice, admitting she is 'in a mess of her own making'.
A relationship built on lies
The woman explained that she connected with a 'lovely man' online a few months ago. They live far apart, so their relationship has mostly developed through messaging and video calls, though they have met once for a weekend at a hotel halfway between their homes.
Early on, she didn't take the connection seriously, so she invented a more interesting and glamorous life. She made up jobs and stories about friends and family that aren't true. Now that things are getting serious, she is panicking and can't invite him to her place or introduce him to anyone because her real life bears no resemblance to the one she described.
Fear of being found out
She wrote: 'If I admit what I've done, he's going to think I'm crazy and dump me, but I can't keep living this lie. I'm losing track of what I've told him, so I know I'm going to give the game away at some stage. I've been such an idiot.'
Coleen advised that honesty is the best policy. She suggested the woman explain that she didn't think the relationship would become serious, so she treated it as a bit of fun and exaggerated things because she thought her life seemed boring.
Coleen acknowledged the risk, but noted that staying silent is also risky because he will eventually start to unpick the lies himself. She pointed out that it's sad the woman felt she had to make things up, because if someone genuinely likes her, her circumstances shouldn't matter.
A lesson for the future
Coleen warned that the man might feel that if she has lied about these things, what else has she lied about? It breaks trust right from the start. However, she reminded the reader that these lies aren't awful lies, and that dating is hard, and she might not have expected the relationship to become real.
If they do go their separate ways, Coleen hopes the woman has learned that someone needs to love her for who she is. She advised: 'You will date again and meet someone else, so learn from this. You'll never win by lying or trying to be someone you're not.'
Coleen's words of wisdom
In a separate note, Coleen shared a broader piece of advice on self-care, emphasizing that physical routines like the gym, Pilates, healthy eating, and staying hydrated are not enough without also paying attention to mental and emotional wellbeing.
