Big Brother winner Pete Bennett has said he still cannot get over Nikki Grahame's death, five years after the tragedy. The 44-year-old said he has had 'next level trauma for years' and desperately wants to hug Nikki one last time and tell her he is sorry in an emotional admission.
Reality TV icon Nikki tragically passed away in April 2021 at the age of 38 after losing her battle with anorexia. The pair had a whirlwind romance in the famous house when they appeared on the reality programme 20 years ago and despite the relationship ending, the two stayed very close.
Grieving made harder by constant reminders
Pete has opened up about losing his friend and says her death has rocked him - and grieving is made even more difficult by people asking him about the late TV star on a regular basis.
During an interview with The Brighton Coach, Pete said he is making small steps but constant reminders can set him back.
"I've literally had next-level trauma for years," he said. "I've just got over that and everywhere I go it's the same, it's really hard a lot of people want to talk about it.
"It's hard. F****** f***** me up, the whole thing. I'm getting there now, it's taken me five years to get to where I'm at to be able to grieve her and grieve what happened and try and get to a place where it doesn't trigger me anymore, because it is really triggering, the whole thing is horrible.
"And I miss her a lot, I just wish that I could ... that's what f**** me up, I wish I could say: 'I'm sorry' and just give her a cuddle."
Planned Kate Bush surprise before her death
Musician Pete revealed he had tried to arrange a special surprise for Nikki in the days before she died in an attempt to boost her recovery.
"I was looking to contact Kate Bush to see if she could send Nikki a message as I honestly thought that giving her a boost from her hero would help her start to feel more positive and recover," he went on.
"But then we got the news that she was gone. And it was too late."
Months after Nikki tragically passed away, devastated Pete revealed the heartbreaking final text he sent her days before she died. Pete said: "She texted me to say. 'Hey Petie, all good my end. Starting a clinic on Monday, which is good. And the sun is shining today!'"
Final moments and lasting tribute
He was stunned when he discovered just how unwell his friend was: "I was like 'my god she's really really ill man', so I was in London at the time and I just got in the cab and went over there with my girlfriend who's a mental health nurse, and we just tried to give her as much love and support."
Speaking about their "great connection", Pete said we had lost "one of the best characters the world's ever seen" and said the rest of the BB7 cast were sending their love. "I can say that we're all really cut up and I can't really put into words yet, it's still quite a sore subject," he added.
