When I read about Jessie J's miscarriage, I was instantly transported back to the crushing moment I learned I had lost my own baby. I was just over 11 weeks pregnant and visiting my mother in Germany when an urgent scan revealed a 'silent miscarriage' – the baby floating white and motionless on the screen.
Like Jessie J, I was a solo mum, having used a sperm donor. This was my final 'snow baby' – a frozen embryo from a previous IVF cycle. The road to planning and experiencing pregnancy alone is difficult and lonely, so I know exactly how Jessie J felt when she shared her loss on Instagram.
Jessie J has a condition called adenomyosis, where the tissue lining the womb grows into the muscular wall, increasing the risk of miscarriage and premature birth. I suffer from this too. I sincerely hope she takes courage from the fact that one of her embryos implanted, however brief the pregnancy.
Single mums often don't know who to confide in, doubt our ability to parent as efficiently as a couple, and have nobody by our side for scans. The devastation hits hard. I had suffered two previous miscarriages in my quest to have my little boy, then age three. This final embryo was my last attempt, and losing another baby added an extra layer of grief.
I started my journey with a sperm donor in 2012 after several dead-end relationships. In 2013, a challenging round of IVF led to the birth of my son. I had one embryo left and kept it frozen. Returning to the clinic in January 2018, I felt anxiety and hope. Two weeks later, a positive pregnancy test left me elated and overwhelmed.
After a reassuring early scan, I told my son, who was excited to be a big brother. I shared the news with my mum and solo-mum groups on Facebook, receiving congratulations. But while visiting my mother in Germany, the silent miscarriage was discovered. I lay in her guest bed with my son, explaining that the baby had died, and we cried together.
