Private parties
A man writes that his girlfriend hosts orgies in their home whenever he is away on business. They have been together for six years and he thought he knew her. A friend warned him about her behaviour. When confronted, she became defensive and accused him of being difficult. She eventually confessed to hosting private parties and admitted to fancying younger men, adding that 'an orgy is never out of the question'. He feels deflated and stupid, loves her and wants to stay together, but cannot let this go. He asks how to shame and stop her, but she is furious with the friend for 'sticking his nose in'.
Jane says
Clearly your girlfriend has decided to bluff this one out. The minute you confronted her she went on the defensive, she pulled herself up to her full height, looked you straight in the eye and said: “So what?” Now she must tell you what she’s playing at. Why does she feel so attracted to other (younger) men and why did she think it was a good idea to bring these lovers into your home? Is your relationship over or is there any way of coming back from this betrayal and this humiliation? Doesn’t she realise that your home – and in particular, your bed – is your sanctuary? You clearly work hard to pay the bills and live a decent life, so what gives her the right to defile your space with other people? Is she thinking straight or is she one very selfish, cruel individual? As for berating your mate for speaking out; what did she expect him to do? Sit back and say nothing while she painted the town red? She needs to get real because stuff like this always comes out. Maybe you and she will be able to put this behind you, pick up the pieces and start again. But if you’re worried that she will let you down the next time your back is turned, then you must be prepared to walk away to save your reputation, your sanity and your sexual health. Talking of which, please go and see your GP and ask for a physical check up as a matter of urgency.
Green eye
A woman writes that she and her partner have a five-year-old daughter together. He also has an adult daughter (22) from a previous relationship who lives with her mother and has never wanted for anything but is jealous and resentful of everything their little daughter gets. She dreads her coming round.
Jane says
You and your partner need to tell his adult daughter that you won’t tolerate bullying. Maybe she is resentful and feels that life has dealt her an unfair hand, but it’s not your little girl’s fault. Make a point of inviting your stepdaughter round and sitting her down. Explain that everything needs to change; everyone needs to get on together. Remind her that she’ll be the loser if she carries on like this. Does she need professional help?
