There is nobody quite so infuriating as a man in late middle age parading his new love around town, as if the wife who bore him children, mopped his brow and listened to him bang on for 30 years never existed. And in Hugh Jackman's case, his ex-wife Deborra-Lee Furness has cause to be upset.
The two separated “amicably” three years ago and are now divorced – but let’s just say it hasn’t taken Jackman long to find a new Beth to his Rip, in the shape of glam, 51-year-old actor Sutton Foster.
This week, it was reported that Deborra had asked her ex for a meeting with Sutton. “This isn't about Deb being angry… it’s about closure,” according to an “insider” who apparently knows Furness well enough to call her “Deb”. Said insider continues: “It feels like something she needs to check off her list… also so she can speak her truth.”
First of all – what list? “Do laundry, return library books, get closure with ex’s hot girlfriend” doesn’t resemble the kind of list I’d want to check off. And unless Sutton – or ”Sutt“, as the insider would doubtless call her – was Deborra’s best friend, she has absolutely nothing to do with any beef between the ex-couple. I see no reason why she should be forced to listen to her boyfriend’s ex “speak her truth”, or feel obliged to deliver closure to a woman who is clearly still hurt and confused by the end of her long marriage. And never mind Sutton – what good can it possibly do for Deborra? “Hi, you’re younger than me and really pretty, and my ex-husband, who I’m not over, is in love with you. I feel so much better – consider matters closed!”
In truth, all this vaunted meeting would do is slash open old wounds and add some fresh ones for good measure. If the new lovers did turn up to this deeply awkward summit – held where, exactly? The old marital home, where every room still carries lingering traces of Hugh’s aftershave? – it’s hardly going to end in healing hugs and dinner invitations. At best, Deborra will pull rank: “Oh, ha ha, you don’t know about his acid reflux? Well, it ruined our silver-anniversary holiday to Costa Rica, didn’t it, darling?” At worst, crockery will be flung.
The whole dismal plan strongly recalls key scenes in comedy drama The Four Seasons, where Anne, the shell-shocked ex-wife of Steve Carell’s character, Nick, turns up to spy on the holiday he’s taking with his new, much younger lover. Needless to say, it does not go well, and Anne – beautifully played by Kerri Kenney-Silver – ends up violently destroying various holiday souvenirs in a blind rage. See also Amandaland’s festive special, in which social-climbing Amanda is confronted by her ex’s new wife in exactly the same dress – with predictably tight-lipped barbs to follow.
In short, while some families may possess saint-like levels of chill and gather exes, lovers and maybe-even-somethings around one happy table, most scorned wives do not need to hang out with their replacement, exchanging tips on their ex’s favourite boudoir outfits. Closure is rarely gained by meeting the woman who haunts your dreams. It comes from building a fence, pulling your best girlfriends’ wagons closer, and shrieking with laughter around the campfire at your ex-husband’s pathetic midlife crisis.
Of course, Sutton can always say no – as would anyone sensible in her position. And should Hugh suggest that “closure” is a good idea, perhaps to ease his own occasional pangs of guilt, she can simply point out that it wasn’t her who broke Deborra’s heart. It was him. So he can bloody well sort it out himself.
