A reader writes to Coleen Nolan after discovering her husband's affair with her best friend, who is also godmother to their eldest daughter. The reader, who has two young daughters aged four and one, says she feels betrayed and devastated, and has stopped eating and sleeping properly. Her husband has moved out and is already suggesting they all 'get along' for the sake of the children, but she feels unable to do so. The friend's own husband and children are also heartbroken.
Coleen's advice
Coleen Nolan advises giving it time, noting it has only been two months since he moved out. 'He shouldn’t even be suggesting you all “get along”. You need time to process what’s happened.' She urges the reader not to use the children to hurt her ex, as they will suffer most and it can cause lasting damage.
Coleen shares a personal anecdote: 'This very situation happened to a close friend of mine. She was confiding in her best friend about problems in her marriage, not realising that her friend was sleeping with her husband.' That friend's children went through a terrible time because of her reaction, which served as a lesson for Coleen when she got divorced. 'I did everything I could to shield my two boys and keep things as normal as possible for them.'
Moving forward
Coleen reassures the reader that she never has to be friends with the woman again, but the horrible, intense feelings will fade. 'You will start to feel stronger and, hopefully, down the line you will meet the person you deserve. One day, you’ll probably be thankful you saw your ex’s true colours and that you’re no longer married to him.' She advises that while there may come a point where they have to be in the same room, in the meantime the friend doesn't have to feature in her life. Communication with her ex about arrangements for the children is important. Coleen also urges therapy: 'It really helped me.'
