After enduring over 200 dates and a string of failed relationships, Lauren Josephine, 34, has found love by embracing 'slow dating'—a growing trend that prioritises building a genuine connection before rushing into romance. The approach, which Bumble defines as 'people taking the time to get to know each other and build a connection before deciding if they want to pursue the relationship or meet in person,' is gaining traction among those in their thirties and forties.
Ms Josephine admitted she had previously fallen into the trap of getting 'totally sucked in' by men who showered her with attention and paragraph-long texts, only to be left devastated when those relationships burned out. 'I realised I really needed to change my approach,' she said. After hitting an emotional rock bottom at 32, she quit dating apps and alcohol, focusing instead on living a life that made her 'soul happy.'
When she met Ethan, 31, online, she deliberately slowed the pace. She exchanged 'wholesome' messages for weeks before a coffee date, and after initial dates, she requested minimal messaging to avoid false intimacy. Ethan responded by planning consistent in-person dates, which reassured her of his seriousness. She waited a month before having sex, using that time to discuss relationship intentions and values early on.
Rosalind Moody, author of The Spark: Sex, Love and Spirituality in a Toxic Dating World, argues that slow dating is crucial because 'our nervous systems are so hyped up with everything going on in this chaotic world.' She contrasts it with 'chaotic dating'—dating without intention, sleeping with people hoping for more, and burning out. Moody herself took a year-long 'man ban' after a breakdown, then slowed her approach by '500 per cent.'
For Ms Josephine, the slow approach was transformative. 'So much of my previous desire to rush in was founded in anxiety,' she explained. 'I didn’t feel secure in those past relationships, so I wanted to go as fast as possible to try and lock in the guy.' Now, after patience and intention, she has finally found love.
