Eliana, a 36-year-old queer writer, has been with her boyfriend Kyle for nine years. Their sex life, once vibrant, has dwindled to about once a week, leaving her unsatisfied. Kyle suffers from erectile dysfunction, which he can manage alone but struggles with during partnered sex. Eliana feels inadequate and craves more intimacy, both with herself and with Kyle. She also harbours desires for women, which she feels conflicted about due to her religious upbringing.
The Problem: Erectile Dysfunction and Emotional Strain
Kyle's erectile dysfunction manifests as an inability to maintain an erection during intercourse. He can achieve orgasm alone but experiences a block when Eliana is present. This has led to feelings of rejection and frustration for Eliana, who longs for a more fulfilling sexual connection. She notes, 'It makes me feel like I'm not enough, and I feel awful saying it, but I want more.'
The couple's sexual routine has become predictable: they engage in oral sex and other activities, but Kyle often goes limp when penetration is attempted. Eliana has tried to discuss the issue, but Kyle remains evasive, attributing the problem to dehydration, hay fever, or the fear of their dog barking. Eliana suspects deeper issues, possibly linked to his Catholic upbringing, but he has not sought medical advice from a GP.
A Proposed Solution: The Threesome
Kyle has repeatedly suggested a threesome as a remedy, a fantasy that clearly excites him. Initially confused, Eliana has warmed to the idea, seeing it as a potential way forward. The couple has browsed dating apps together, but have yet to meet anyone. Eliana is attracted to many of the women they match with, but worries Kyle might feel left out. Kyle has expressed willingness to either watch or participate, depending on Eliana's comfort.
Eliana grapples with residual shame from her evangelical Christian upbringing, which taught her to hate her body and feel guilt about her attraction to women. Despite years of therapy, these feelings persist, making the prospect of a threesome both thrilling and anxiety-inducing.
Weekly Diary: A Glimpse into Their Lives
Monday: After therapy, Eliana feels aroused and initiates sex. They watch ethical girl-on-girl porn, and Eliana enjoys multiple orgasms through oral sex. However, Kyle goes limp during intercourse, leading to apologies and a quiet end to the evening.
Tuesday: At a barre class, Eliana obsesses over her inability to please Kyle. She reflects on their dry patch and Kyle's suggestion of a threesome, which she now considers a viable option.
Wednesday: Eliana scrolls through dating apps, messaging women. She feels dirty but also turned on, and masturbates with a vibrator while Kyle is downstairs.
Thursday: The couple attempts sex again, with the same outcome: Kyle cannot stay hard. Eliana feels tired and unfulfilled, questioning whether this is their new normal.
Friday: Eliana confronts Kyle about his well-being. He admits he doesn't understand his block and has not consulted a doctor. Eliana accepts that she must be patient.
Saturday: Eliana exercises and reflects on her loss of control in the relationship. She longs to be desired and considers whether to leave, but ultimately values their deep connection.
Sunday: Eliana's period arrives, and she uses her vibrator for pain relief. She fantasizes about the threesome and messages a woman on the app, hinting at making concrete plans.
Impact and Outlook
Eliana's diary reveals the emotional toll of erectile dysfunction on a relationship, including feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and the search for solutions. The couple's communication is strained, but they remain committed to each other. Eliana acknowledges that their bond extends beyond sex, but she craves a more passionate and frequent intimate life. The proposed threesome offers a glimmer of hope, though it also brings up unresolved issues around shame and desire.
