Suzanne Noble, 65, has spent the last few years enjoying casual hook-ups with younger men rather than chasing a commitment. The author and podcast host, who lives in London, says she knows exactly what she wants and it is not conventional romance.
Why she prefers younger men
“When I am on websites and looking around, the main people I am being contacted by are younger men,” Suzanne says. “Most older men who keep themselves in shape and financially stable are mainly seeking younger women which then makes it really difficult to find an age-appropriate guy who's not ill or out of shape.”
Suzanne, originally from New York, has been divorced for 25 years. “I wouldn't call it dating,” she explains. “I don't know what to call it, maybe more just hookups. These aren't people I want to date but they are available for what I want and I'm available for what they want.”
Meeting men through hookup sites
She finds it “really easy” to meet men through hookup sites, especially as she does not want anything serious. “I'll usually meet them for a coffee and check them out, or we'll have some extensive texting where we both establish that we want to do the same things together,” she says.
Frank conversations about intimacy and desire are something Suzanne never had during her 12-year marriage. Instead, she and her then husband “just kind of got on with it”.
“After my divorce, I met someone who was very open and he opened my eyes to all different experiences that I've never had before,” she says. “But he died and after that I felt like I needed to find out more about sex and alternative lifestyles.”
A strict age category
Describing herself as an “incredibly curious” person, Suzanne is now auditioning for her “latest cohort” of younger men. She has a strict age category for dating and goes for men a maximum of 15 years younger than her.
“I was with someone on a casual basis for a couple of years until recently. I got rid of him and now I've got some people that come back and forth over the years, but for the moment, as soon as I've established a routine with one or two people then I won't need to keep looking.”
Only looking for something casual, Suzanne's preference is down to her busy lifestyle. “I'm at an age where I've got two kids, I've got a nice place to live and I don't need a man for financial reasons. I am happy being on my own and I travel a lot.”
“The last relationship I had he died and the problem with men my age is their health. I was hanging out with a guy my age and he was fun, we were having a good time but he had very serious health issues. It stopped us from being able to do certain things. He had mobility issues and one time he ended up coming to visit me when I was living in Spain and I had to find a wheelchair because he was incapable of walking around for the amount of time I'd have liked to walk.”
Challenges with casual hookups
Sometimes casual hookups come with problems. “After a few times of meeting someone, they suddenly start dumping on me,” Suzanne said. “They will start telling me about their family drama, what's happening with their kids or something just deeply unsexy. Most of the time I don't need to know all of that, just keep it light, friendly and just have some fun. I don't need to know all that. The more I know about them, the more I realise why they're single. They reveal themselves to me in these ways which makes me realise why they are single.”
Reflecting on her past experiences, Suzanne says society dictates that we should follow these straight traditional paths. “My age group is still traditional in how they see dating, but I think there is an opportunity for them to learn from younger people and to be more open to different relationship styles and I think all I'm doing is doing what's best for me. It's just liberating your mind from this idea that we meet someone and we date them and then eventually have sex with them. For me, if I date them for too long and I don't have sex with them, then ultimately I probably don't have sex with them because I learned too much about them. I'm not into shopping or doing anything like that, I just like having good, fun experiences as well as traveling and meeting new people. I'm an extreme extrovert, I get my energy from meeting new people.”
