In her latest column, Daily Star agony aunt Jane O'Gorman addresses four readers' dilemmas: a girlfriend who tells outrageous lies, a workplace orgy obsession, a husband's serial infidelity, and a partner leaving after a bereavement.
Outrageous Lies
A reader writes that his new girlfriend is sexy, clever, and funny, but cannot tell the truth. She exaggerates her wealth, contacts, and family history, and tells fantastic claims he knows aren't true. She once claimed to have slept with every member of a five-piece boyband in a New York hotel. She says she's been to every holiday location mentioned and got free VIP passes to music festivals because she knows the organisers. Yet her claims don't stand up to scrutiny, and she changes the subject when pressed. Recently, she embarrassed herself in front of a friend who works in the film industry, bragging about stars she 'knows.' The reader had to pretend to have food poisoning and drag her away. He wants her to stop lying without humiliating her.
Jane advises picking the right moment and gently telling the girlfriend that he likes her 'just the way she is.' She suggests asking her to calm down and take a breath. Jane says the girlfriend is desperate to appear worldly and sophisticated, but her lies make her look desperate and ridiculous. She trips herself up and exposes herself as a fibber and a fraud. Jane explains that the girlfriend is insecure and anxious to appear interesting, so she goes over the top. The reader should tell her she doesn't have to do this, that he's not impressed by tales of celebrities or nightclubs, and that she is enough.
Mini Orgy
Another reader describes how his line manager got off with a female colleague, then invited him back to her flat for a threesome. Along the way, another guy and a girl joined, resulting in a 'mini orgy' which he calls the best experience of his life. He has become obsessed with the two women and wants to repeat it, offering to book a hotel, but they don't seem interested. He fears nothing so amazing will happen again.
Jane tells him to keep his head down and focus on work. She says the wild sex with colleagues was a one-off moment in time, and there can be no going back. He must stop harassing the female colleagues and accept that the experience was simply a sublime moment. Everyone is entitled to get on with their daily lives without harassment. If he wants edgy sex again, he should look for fun outside the workplace.
Dirty Habits
A woman writes that her husband was sacked from his old job for sleeping with a colleague, and now in his new job, he is already having an affair with a client. He still lives at home but leads an independent life. Friends tell her to dump him, while relatives beg her to hold on. She has seen his latest lover and feels humiliated.
Jane says if the husband sleeps his way around every firm, he can't think much of her. She advises telling relatives to butt out and thinking about the kind of life she wishes to lead. Jane senses she is scared about the future and frozen in fear. She cannot carry on as she is; she needs to know where she stands. If she divorces, she will get what she's entitled to. Jane urges her to ask him for a chat and warn him she will not go on like this. She is his wife, not his skivvy or facilitator. If he no longer values her, it's game over.
Grief Struck
A final reader says her partner went to the gym and never returned. He is now living with a PT instructor and says they're over. She believes he's not thinking straight because he's still grieving the death of his brother in March. She gave him a month-long break, but he's adamant he never wants to be with her again.
Jane advises giving him time and space. He is angry and confused, and has taken flight, thinking he'll be happier with another. She suggests inviting him to meet in a neutral location for a dignified, adult chat. Tell him she loves him and urge him to get help from his GP regarding his grief. They need to take one day at a time.
