A married man finds himself torn between his wife and his mistress of three years, both of whom have now joined forces to demand he make a choice. The man, who wrote to Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman, admits he would happily continue the arrangement indefinitely, but the two women are now ganging up on him, insisting he pick one over the other.
The Dilemma: Two Women, Two Lifestyles
The man describes his wife as loving and steady, a great cook who enjoys musical theatre and soap operas, but lacking a sense of humour. In contrast, his lover is experimental and daring, a good laugh who loves dancing, music, and festivals, but cannot cook. Both women are attractive and good in bed, he says, but offer different qualities in other areas of life.
The affair came to light when the man accidentally sent his wife a sexually explicit message and a naked photo of himself. Initially, she gave him two weeks to sort things out, but two months later, he is still undecided. The two women have since made contact, and he feels pulled in different directions.
Financial and Emotional Consequences
The man worries about the financial implications of leaving his wife: selling the house, costly divorce proceedings, and losing half his pension. He questions why his wife cannot simply turn a blind eye, as he believes happens in other cultures.
Jane O'Gorman responds: "Life isn't always fair. Other men and women may achieve open marriages and three-way relationships; but if your wife and mistress aren't interested in sharing you, then you're stuffed. You find yourself at a crossroad and have to decide which way to go."
She advises him to take time out away from both women and think carefully about what he wants. "Neither of these women may be right for you. You cannot play with people's lives. The world is not your playground," she adds.
Another Reader: Controlling Girlfriend
In a separate letter, a man complains that his newish girlfriend constantly tells him what to wear, how to act in public, and even how to do his job. At a recent dinner at his boss's house, she scolded him for drinking and criticised his table manners, embarrassing him in front of his boss and the boss's wife.
Jane advises: "If you feel she's become a control freak and you don't like how she talks to you, then walk away before things get nasty. Why can't she love you for being you? Why the pressing need to change you?"
