A 32-year-old woman has written to agony aunt Coleen Nolan expressing frustration that her boyfriend, who turns 40 next month, has not yet proposed despite promising to do so by Easter and now saying Christmas.
The woman, who has been with her partner for two years, says they have had many conversations about marriage and buying a home together. She wants the traditional proposal, ring, and ceremony. However, she feels like a “needy chick” as his delays continue.
Pressure and Comparisons
She notes that all her friends are either married or engaged, making her feel more anxious. She believes now is the right time, especially as her boyfriend approaches 40, and asks, “if not now, when?”
Despite loving each other and being a good match, the topic has become awkward. She seeks advice on how to move things forward.
Coleen's Advice: Stop Talking About It
Coleen advises her to stop discussing the proposal, as the pressure may be causing him to delay. She shares a personal story: her second husband Ray took seven years to propose because family and friends constantly asked about it. When he finally did, it was a surprise and more meaningful.
“I’m not saying hold on forever,” Coleen writes. “If Christmas comes and goes with no proposal, then maybe you have to sit down and figure out if you both want the same thing. But just take the pressure off between now and then.”
Understanding His Perspective
Coleen suggests asking him how he feels about marriage and what type of wedding he would like, to ensure both are happy. She warns against using friends' engagements to make him feel guilty.
