Henry wants to hang a Liverpool-themed calendar in the flat he is moving into with his girlfriend Kitty, but she has refused, calling it "ugly, childish and not her aesthetic." The dispute has become a test of compromise in their relationship, and Guardian readers have weighed in on who should give way.
The prosecution: Henry
Henry says he was proud when Kitty was preparing to buy a flat, and they planned to move in together after living in a shared house. He was going to contribute to the mortgage. Although the purchase fell through, their conversations highlighted an issue of control. "I think I should have some say over what goes into any new home, but when I said I wanted to hang my Liverpool-themed calendar, Kitty put her foot down," he said.
Kitty works in interiors and has "brilliant taste," but Henry argues the space should be shared. "It's not a showroom; it's a home. In shared spaces, both people should get a chance to show off their personalities, but also put up with bits that your partner wants." The calendar, which his mum bought for him, is A4-sized and could go on the back of the kitchen door. He says it gives him a sense that it's his home and lets him keep an eye on fixture dates.
Henry points out that Kitty has ordered a chaise longue and other furniture without asking his opinion, but he wouldn't veto those things because they make her feel at home. "This is bigger than the calendar – it made me realise I had a complete lack of agency," he said. "The crux of the issue is that Kitty has to accept some things her partner loves even when she doesn't love them herself. Otherwise, it's not really our home."
The defence: Kitty
Kitty says she already makes many compromises, including tolerating Henry's passion for first world war art, a piano, guitars, an old cigarette packet painting, and dining room chairs. "I'm not so strong-minded that I can't be flexible. But the Liverpool calendar is a step too far. It reminds me of living with a teenage boy," she said. "It's juvenile and garish. It would be like me sticking a Dua Lipa poster on the wall."
As an interior designer in her 30s, Kitty says she saved up for the flat on her own and wanted it to feel like an adult space combining their tastes. She felt a lack of support and excitement from Henry during the stressful process of buying the flat. "I felt there was a lack of support and excitement from Henry generally. He made the calendar into a big deal in the middle of all that, which I thought trivial," she said.
Kitty argues that since she is furnishing and paying for everything, the decor has to lean towards her tastes. "I'm still a hard no on the calendar – he's never even written on it. We can hang it in a wardrobe. I think that's a good compromise, but if people vote against me here, I will reconsider."
The jury of Guardian readers
Readers were split. Maria, 40, said Kitty should accommodate Henry's passions: "Hanging a calendar on the back of the kitchen door is hardly a 'test of your investment'. If he moves out, the calendar obviously goes too." Dean, 46, called the calendar "juvenile" but added, "The fact it's Liverpool-themed brings a bit of his character to the space they've chosen to share. You'll never walk alone, Henry!"
Lotte, 33, said Henry shouldn't feel like a lodger when he contributes to the mortgage. Gemma, 27, urged compromise: "Henry, stop badgering and support Kitty whilst she is stressed; Kitty, let the guy have his Liverpool calendar!" Amira, 35, backed Kitty, saying the financial burden justifies her aesthetic authority and the wardrobe compromise is reasonable.
The online poll asked readers whether Kitty's refusal is "an own goal." It closed on Wednesday 7 October at 9am BST. In last week's poll, 45% said Ned was guilty of ruining the wok by whacking up the heat, while 55% said he was innocent. Names have been changed.
