Daily Star agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand every day to help readers with their problems, offering straight-talking advice on everything from bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues and drug use. Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Struggling to end a three-year relationship
A reader wants to sleep with lots of girls on a casual basis and longs to chat up strangers and enjoy sex in strange places, but feels trapped in a stifling relationship with a girlfriend of three years. Every time he tries to break free, she drags him back. He arranges to meet her in town with the express purpose of dumping her, but after a few drinks for Dutch courage he drops his guard, and one thing leads to another before they end up back at her place having sex.
He admits he is insensitive and cold towards her. Once, when she asked him to marry her, he snorted: "I'd rather marry my dog". He then went out, got off his face and slept with her mate. His girlfriend found out and was devastated, and her brothers threatened to beat him up.
Jane says: "Aren't you nice… Start acting like a grown up. If you no longer love your girl, then come clean and tell her the truth. Stop using booze as a prop (excuse) and ask to see her stone, cold sober. Explain that this relationship has run its course. Apologise for being a moron and breaking her heart but make it clear that you need to move on."
She adds: "Any breakup is tough but continuing to have sex with a woman you no longer love is plain wrong, especially if you can't even bring yourself to be kind to her. You've been together for a while and she deserves better."
Lover won't commit because she's not his 'forever girl'
Another reader sleeps with her lover five times a month, but he won't agree to a full-time relationship because she's not his 'forever girl'. He likes a certain kind of woman – busty, blonde and sexually adventurous – and she is not that. He says she is free to walk away any time she likes, which she finds cruel.
She asks how anyone can be so unbending when they have such a lovely time together, and how she can make him understand that she could make him happy and be more than a sordid bed buddy.
Jane says: "As harsh and inflexible as your friend is, you can't deny that he's always been scrupulously honest. Sadly, he's just not interested in making you his life partner. He's more than happy to have sex with you but beyond that you're nothing more to him than a stop-gap shag."
She urges her to tell him 'good-bye' to reclaim her confidence and her life, and to start looking for someone who wants what she wants and appreciates the unique person she is. "At the moment you're frozen; you're selling yourself short and have lost sight of who you are," she adds.
Controlling boyfriend crashes girly nights
A third reader is worried about her friend who keeps bringing her horrible boyfriend along to girly nights out. He is a miserable devil, disapproves of them and holds her back. The other night he quipped that the reader is a boozer and a lush – and he wasn't joking. The friend makes excuses for him, but the reader worries he is controlling her. She has lost her spark and seems anxious.
Jane says: "What part of 'girly night' doesn't this lame brain get? Get your friend on her own and ask if she feels safe. Point out that she doesn't have to stay with her boyfriend, especially if he's controlling and possessive. Also make it clear that he's cramping everyone's style and you don't want him tagging along in future. Promise to support her."
