Parent coach Liv has shared advice for parents of toddlers who hit, offering a step-by-step approach that does not involve shouting. In an Instagram post, she explained what to do when a child aged 16-24 months hits, suggesting that parents create immediate physical distance rather than relying on repeated reminders.
Liv said: "If your 16-24-month-old is hitting you and you keep saying gentle hands hoping that alone will stop it, try this instead." She advised: "If they hit you, you immediately put some space between you. Hitting means they don't get to maintain that physical contact. You can calmly say, 'I won't let you hit me, I'm going to move back'. You're keeping yourself safe."
What to do when a toddler hits with a toy or another child
The parent coach also addressed situations where the hitting involves objects or other children. "If they hit you with a toy, the toy goes away. If they hit another child, they leave the play," she said. "You take them away from the playground, soft play or whatever environment you are in and you say, 'I won't let you hit, hitting hurts. You can play when you're ready to play safely'."
She stressed that the aim is not to shame or isolate the toddler but to teach a lesson and help them settle down. If the hitting continues, Liv said: "You leave for the day. And if hitting is becoming a reoccurring theme, preempt it. If you arrive somewhere, remind them we use our hands gently, if you hit, we leave." She emphasised the importance of following through the very first time it happens.
Teaching skills when the child is calm
Liv concluded that teaching should continue after the child has calmed down. "When they're calm, that's when you teach," she said. "You practice gentle touch, how to ask for a toy, how to wait and how to take turns, how to express yourselves when you're cross. These are skills and skills need to be taught, don't just tell them what not to do. Teach them what to do instead."
The NHS notes that difficult behaviour in toddlers and young children often stems from being tired, hungry or bored. It advises parents to be consistent, avoid overreacting, and do what feels right. The NHS said: "Children do not have to be able to talk to understand. It can help if they understand why you want them to do something. Once your child can talk, encourage them to explain why they're angry or upset. This will help them feel less frustrated."
In the event of hitting, the main guidance is to remain calm, gently stop the child's hand and set a firm boundary immediately, avoiding shouting or hitting back as this can be confusing. If the child tries again, parents can put them down or step away, saying calmly, "I will not let you hit me".
