A single mother is struggling with a friendship strained by an uneven childcare arrangement. Writing to Coleen, she explains that she and her best friend, both single mums working part-time, originally agreed to swap babysitting without payment because it was evenly balanced. However, the friend has recently taken on more work, meaning the reader now looks after her friend's children more often without any reciprocation or offer of payment.
Original Agreement Unravels
The reader says: "We agreed at the start that we wouldn’t charge each other for the childminding, as it benefitted both of us and it was evenly split. However, the balance is off now – she’s earning more and I’m looking after her kids for nothing." She adds that the friend didn't ask if the extra days were okay, simply assuming she would help. The reader fears appearing jealous or unreasonable but feels the situation is unfair.
Coleen's Advice: Start a Conversation
Coleen responds: "It does seem unfair and I think she’s pushing her luck a bit and taking advantage of your close friendship." She suggests proposing a new childcare plan that works for both, possibly sharing the cost of a childminder for days outside the original agreement. Coleen emphasises the need to address the issue before resentment builds: "If you don’t address it, you’ll become resentful and it’ll affect your friendship more than if you’d said right at the start."
Maintaining Friendship Through Honesty
Coleen advises the reader to express happiness for her friend's success while clarifying boundaries: "I’m so happy you’ve got more work – well done. Who’s looking after the kids on those days? I might be able to help if you’re really stuck." She concludes: "This childcare arrangement needs to work for you both. Hopefully if you start a conversation, it’ll clear the air and you can figure it out."
