A police detective who hid her alcohol addiction for a decade says the biggest challenge was concealing it from those closest to her, driven by a cultural fear of judgment.
Cultural pressure to hide
Nisha Chandra, now 40, grew up in a South Asian household where the phrase "Lok ko kehn ge?" – "What will people say?" – shaped her life. She tells Metro: 'Within our culture, people's opinions matter more than what you're going through.' Her relationship with alcohol began at university, where cheap drinks and newfound freedom led to reliance. 'I was a shy, timid girl and this gave me the confidence to speak to people,' she says. She lived a double life: dutiful daughter at home and party-goer with friends.
Hidden drinking and physical toll
Nisha hid cider in juice bottles and gin in water containers. She recalls carrying a large handbag to store tins and bottles to avoid being seen. Her drinking escalated to six cans of strong cider nightly throughout most of her 20s. Physical effects emerged: her hair began breaking off due to lack of nutrients. 'I felt like my identity as a woman had been lost,' she says. She wore extensions and hats to hide it from the wider community.
Turning point and recovery
The turning point came nine years ago in 2017. Her now-husband noticed she was withdrawn and crying. Reluctantly, she agreed to an emergency doctor's appointment. She told the doctor about her addiction, but the doctor raised a hand to stop her, diagnosed depression, and said: 'In one hand is a prescription for drugs, in the other, is alcohol. You have to make a choice, because you can't have both. If you don't stop drinking, you will die.' Nisha went cold turkey at home, experiencing hot and cold sweats and turbulent emotions. 'It's one of the worst things I have been through – at times, I was ready to physically pull my hair out from stress,' she remembers.
Life after addiction
Now a police detective and TEDx speaker, Nisha is nine years sober and comfortable around alcohol. She says: 'I'll go to the pub and be the idiot sitting in the corner having a latte.' She no longer hides her alcoholism and speaks publicly alongside other parts of her identity. 'I'm a police detective, a TEDx speaker and a recovering alcoholic. It doesn't define me, but it is my truth.' She has a four-year-old son and is determined not to repeat the cycle of silence. 'Silence is the biggest intergenerational tradition we've got. You owe nothing to society, the community, or even your family. Shame is not yours to carry. Mine ends with me.'
