Jay Antonia, 27, from Portsmouth, gave birth to her second son, Albie, just 11 months after welcoming her first, Teddy. She fell pregnant again only three months after giving birth, a discovery that left her and partner Joshua, 26, "slightly freaking out" despite always liking the idea of a small age gap.
"My period was late but I didn't feel like I was pregnant – we just jokingly got a test with the food shop," said Jay, who works in childcare. "Josh was watching me to take [the test] while casually munching on a apple and when it said positive he nearly choked."
Planned but surprising pregnancy
The couple admit they hadn't tried to prevent a pregnancy so soon after the first. Jay explained that Joshua was keen on a small age gap, as his sister is five years younger and he thought that was too big a gap. "I was apprehensive slightly on doing it all again so soon, it was kind of a see what happens thing," she said. "I only had two periods after having Ted and when the second one came we both felt a bit disappointed, and then I was pregnant again."
She added: "So it was somewhat planned and somewhat go with the flow. When the test actually came back positive we were happy but also slightly freaking out, we didn't think it would actually happen so soon which was probably very naive of us."
Joshua's parents sensed the news before it was shared. "His dad said at a game of football 'Jay is pregnant again isn't she'," Jay recalled. Her own mum and stepdad found out after Jay blurted it out before their reassurance scan. "My mum got all emotional but everyone was happy. After a few days and it had sunk in, we were OK."
Pregnancy and birth experience
Jay worried about how her body would cope with another pregnancy so soon, and about Teddy suddenly no longer being the baby. She was fortunate not to suffer much morning sickness with Albie, though nausea was bad in the evenings and she was exhausted. "Josh became Cinderella for a bit and had to do a lot as I was just completely exhausted," she said.
For Albie's birth, Jay was determined to have her dream birth: gas and air if needed, hypnobirthing, a TENs machine, a pool, and to be in and out the same day. "I got all of that and although it was extremely painful, it was amazing and so was my recovery," she said. "No doctors or midwives raised any concerns regarding them being so close together but lots were surprised when they found out, understandably."
Jay refused contraception after Albie's birth despite repeated advice. "I understood why midwives and doctors told me to go onto contraception but it annoyed me that no matter how many times I've said no, for my own personal views, it's still asked."
Brothers as best friends
Now Teddy, two, and Albie, one, are "best friends", sharing kisses, cuddles, meals and naps. "Ted was too young to understand really what was going on when he met Albie but was smiling and trying to touch his head," Jay said. "They are definitely best friends. Ted is so loving towards him most of the time. He gives him lots of kisses and cuddles and asks if he's ok if he's crying. Albie finds Ted so funny."
Life with two so close in age can be chaotic, but Jay says a routine helps. Both boys attend childcare full time while she works. At home, they eat together, nap at similar times, and have the same bedtime, though Albie sometimes stays awake until nine. Ted spends Sunday night at his nan's and Monday with her, a pattern established since Albie arrived.
One of the hardest parts was nap times. Jay recalled a day when Albie was about three months old: "I was trying to get Ted to sleep while Albie was downstairs. Ted was being quite stubborn and taking a long time and I could hear Albie getting upset. I couldn't ignore him obviously so I left Ted awake in his cot and went to check on Albie to settle him. Ted was then screaming so I went back to him and then Albie was crying again. I was just running up the stairs like a mad woman not knowing what to do. In the end I think I just gave up and went for a walk with them."
Despite the challenges, Jay has been surprised by how well they've managed. "It's not as hard as I thought it could've been although that could all change next year when I have a two and three year old," she said.
Joshua usually settles Teddy in the evenings while Jay looks after Albie, who is still breastfed. The boys have different personalities: Ted is silly and noisy, while Albie is more emotional but also more chill. Jay hopes they grow up to be good friends and find comfort in each other.
She advises others considering a small age gap: "If you think your body can cope then do it. I'm so glad we have, they are so cute together and if you have the same gender like me then you probably won't need to buy much stuff which is a winner."
Jay added: "Although there are hard days, I would still do it again. It was worth it, they love each other so much and I couldn't imagine Albie not being here with us all. It's the hardest but best thing ever. I'd like more children in the future, my heart doesn't feel done. I look at Albie and I can't imagine him being my last baby. I'd love a little girl."
