A 29-year-old woman, whose parents divorced 11 years ago, is seeking advice after her mother reacted angrily to a wedding gift from her father, calling it “guilt money”. The bride-to-be, who is getting married next summer, says her father kindly gave her and her fiancé money towards the wedding, which they are mostly paying for themselves.
The mother, who has not remarried, also objected to the father's new wife being involved in the wedding. The reader describes the reaction as “very unfair” to her father, who is “very upset” by it, and says she is shocked by her mother's response, feeling it is an outlet for stored-up anger.
Advice on handling the conflict
In her response, Coleen advises asking the mother why she is so angry, suggesting there may be something from the marriage that the daughter does not know about. She recommends asking what the mother means by “guilt money” and seeking an explanation if the father was never a terrible parent.
Coleen also suggests the mother may feel put out because she cannot afford to offer money, triggering jealousy as she sees her ex-husband happily married and doing well financially. She notes that it is normal for divorced parents to feel overlooked when children hero-worship the other parent.
Keeping the focus on the wedding
The advice concludes that whatever the mother is feeling, it should not spoil the wedding, and the daughter should tell her that. Coleen also shares a general message about creating joy in life and focusing on good moments.
