A woman has revealed that her husband of four years only initiates sex outside their home, leaving her feeling like a ‘dirty secret’. In a letter to a relationship expert, she explained that while they enjoy passionate encounters in anonymous spaces such as friends’ houses and hotel rooms, he has rejected her advances in their own home.
The couple’s relationship began with casual sex; after 15 encounters and a fight over her sleeping with someone else, they became exclusive. They married after he contracted gonorrhoea, and initially stayed with friends where sex was frequent. However, after moving into their own home, intimacy dwindled to cuddling.
The husband admitted that the wife’s furniture felt too ‘me’, preferring impersonal surroundings. When they are away, he becomes the instigator of adventurous sex, including blindfolds and BDSM. Recently, he suggested inviting a waiter to ‘share’ him, causing the wife emotional whiplash and concerns about his behaviour on trips abroad.
Psychotherapist Pamela Stephenson Connolly advised that the couple’s contrasting sexual styles require negotiation, suggesting a 50/50 split between home and away sex. She noted the wife may be experiencing ‘top burnout’ and that the husband’s passive control needs to be addressed in a non-blaming manner.
