Couple Reveals How Scheduling Sex and Exploration Transformed Their Intimacy
When Rupert and Eva lived in different countries, their sexual encounters were marked by spontaneity and intensity, fitting passionate moments into brief weekend visits. Now, after four years together and 18 months of marriage, they have transitioned to cohabiting, which has led them to adopt a more intentional approach to intimacy, including scheduling sex and experimenting with new dynamics.
From Long-Distance Passion to Intentional Intimacy
Rupert, 36, explains that during their long-distance phase, sex happened naturally due to the limited time they had together, often resulting in intense and fulfilling experiences. However, living together required them to actively create space for intimacy. "When you're long-distance, sex happens way more naturally. But when you're living together you have to actively create the space for it," he says. To address this, they now put time in their diary for sex, viewing it as a way to ensure intimacy without pressure.
Eva, 31, adds that the shift from impulsive encounters to scheduled sessions was initially challenging. "It's less impulsive, and initially that was difficult for me," she admits. Rupert helped her see it through an analogy: exercising relationships by regularly being naked and giving pleasure, similar to maintaining physical fitness. This mindset has made their intimacy more intentional and exploratory.
Experimenting with New Techniques and Rules
The couple has embraced various experiments to keep their sex life exciting. They follow the "sex first" rule, where they have sex before going out on a date to avoid feeling too full or tired after dinner and wine. Rupert notes that this approach releases positive hormones and reduces stress, enhancing their overall experience.
In terms of frequency, they have sex between one and three times a week, a reduction from their long-distance days but one they accept as normal. They have also explored phases of experimentation, such as bondage, where Eva enjoys being restricted and submissive. "Eva likes to be restricted, so we played with tying her hands back for a while. She wanted to be really submissive, so we tried that too," Rupert shares.
Adding Visual Elements and Overcoming Past Shame
To add a new layer to their intimacy, Rupert moved a large mirror next to their bed, which Eva typically uses for dressing up. He believes this visual element is something most people should try, as it allows them to see their interactions during sex, breaking the monotony of routine. "It adds a new layer, which is important, because if you do something 1,000 times it becomes normal at some point – that applies to sex, too," he explains.
Eva reflects on her past struggles with sex, stemming from a lack of sex education and toxic attitudes during her school years. "I had a lot of shame around sex growing up. I found the lack of sex education combined with the toxic British public schoolboy attitude towards women quite damaging," she says. Meeting Rupert changed her perspective, allowing her to explore her imagination and enjoy sex more fully. She has discovered a new animalistic side to herself through their adventures.
Maintaining Tactility and Adventure in Marriage
Despite the changes, the couple remains very tactile and committed to exploring each other. Eva emphasises that while their sex life is less spontaneous now, it has become more adventurous. "It's less spontaneous, but I think we're more adventurous with the sex we have. I've discovered a new animalistic side to me," she states. Their journey highlights how intentionality and openness can transform intimacy in long-term relationships.
