Most people will experience a loss of sexual desire at some point in their life, due to parenthood, health conditions, hormonal changes, grief or other reasons. Sex therapists and educators have shared their secrets to getting your mojo back.
Chris Sheridan, a psychotherapist in Glasgow, says fluctuations in desire are natural and influenced by different life stages. Natasha Silverman, a Relate sex and relationship therapist, notes that it is normal for relationships to go through periods without sex. She advises addressing external stresses and anxiety, which can put the brakes on sexual desire.
It is important to see a doctor about loss of libido, as it may be connected to health issues such as the menopause or underlying conditions like heart disease. Finding someone to confide in, such as a friend or professional, can help normalise the experience and reduce shame. Dami Olonisakin, a sex positive educator, suggests reflecting on what may have changed.
Communication with a partner is key. Silverman recommends being upfront and honest, as partners often sense changes and may fill in gaps with their own anxieties. Todd Baratz, a sex therapist, emphasises that improving a stale relationship involves talking about sexual needs, not necessarily introducing extreme activities.
Single people also experience loss of libido. Silverman sees increasing numbers of singles, especially women, wanting to learn from past relationships. Being single is an opportunity to figure out what works for you. Sheridan highlights the importance of learning to say 'no' to things you don't genuinely want, fostering healthy communication based on negotiation and mutual consent.
Miranda Christophers, a sex and relationship psychotherapist, stresses that both partners should have the desire for desire. Positive motivators include pleasure in the moment or a sense of connection afterwards, rather than just doing it to keep a partner happy. This phenomenon is not exclusive to heterosexual couples.
