A woman has courageously revealed the devastating emotional turmoil she endured for nearly two decades, living with the belief that her mother had taken her own life, only to discover the horrifying truth that her own father was responsible for the murder.
Decades of Deception Unravel
In a profoundly moving interview on ITV's This Morning, Lauren Howell recounted the moment her world shattered when she learned the reality behind her mother's death. For eighteen long years, Lauren and her three brothers had been told that their mother, Lesley Howell, had died by suicide in May 1991, alongside Trevor Buchanan, in what police initially deemed a tragic double suicide pact.
The truth finally emerged in 2009 when Lauren's father, Colin Howell, confessed to murdering both Lesley and Trevor with the assistance of his new partner, Hazel Buchanan. Both Colin and Hazel were subsequently convicted and are currently serving prison sentences for the double homicide.
A Childhood Defined by Loss
Lauren was just four years old when she received the news of her mother's death, the day after her brother's second birthday. Despite her tender age, she retained precious memories of her mother's magical presence.
"My childhood was very much defined by loss and bereavement," Lauren emotionally recalled during her television appearance. "Navigating life as a young child, teenager, and adult without a mother has shaped my entire existence."
She described how her mother could transform ordinary moments into something special, like turning grocery shopping into a romantic date. These cherished memories became Lauren's emotional anchor through years of confusion and grief.
The Suicide Narrative and Its Aftermath
For nearly two decades, Lauren believed her mother had died from inhaling car fumes. This belief created lasting psychological impacts, including an intense fear of vehicle exhaust that persisted throughout her childhood and adolescence.
"I grew up fearful of car fumes," she explained. "If anyone walked near the back of a car, I'd panic and tell them not to go there. Like many who lose loved ones to suicide, I struggled with questions of why she left and whether we weren't enough to make her stay."
Despite these painful thoughts, Lauren maintained an inherent sense that the suicide narrative didn't align with her mother's character, a testament to the strong maternal bond formed during their brief time together.
Complex Family Dynamics
In the months following Lesley's death, Hazel Buchanan, Colin's affair partner and accomplice in the murders, became a maternal figure to Lauren and her brothers. The children would regularly visit Hazel's home and encounter her during family outings, relationships that Lauren now recognizes were carefully orchestrated rather than coincidental.
"I've always wanted a mummy," Lauren revealed. "Hazel became that figure for me, and I loved her dearly. When their relationship ended, I grieved for her as one would grieve for a mother. Processing this complexity after learning the truth has been incredibly challenging."
The Shocking Confession and Aftermath
When Colin finally confessed in 2009, Lauren experienced a paradoxical sense of clarity amid the shock. "There was an immediate sense that it made more sense," she recalled. "I cannot explain that feeling, other than knowing my mother would never have willingly left her children."
The confession propelled Lauren into a media spotlight she never sought, forcing her to navigate court appearances, shifting family dynamics, and intense public scrutiny while processing her trauma.
Rediscovering Her Mother's Legacy
Today, Lauren focuses her energy on reclaiming her mother's memory and identity. "So much of my focus has been on rediscovering my mum," she explained. "In many ways, I'm discovering her for the first time. The restoration of her identity has shifted now that I know she didn't kill herself."
Her story forms the emotional core of the new ITV documentary Killer In The House, which examines the case in detail. Lauren's appearance on This Morning represents her continued effort to honor her mother's memory while helping others understand the long-term impact of familial betrayal and delayed justice.
"Life is precious," Lauren concluded. "My mum's life was stolen, and I want to do everything I can to honor her memory through how I live my own life."
