Marissa Korbel was 16 when she began a relationship with a man 24 years her senior. For years, she viewed it as a romantic affair, not assault. It took her more than a decade to recognise what had happened as rape. 'I really took all of the blame for it for at least nine or ten years,' she says.
Korbel's experience is far from unique. A meta-analysis of 28 studies found that 60% of women and girls aged 14 and older who had experienced non-consensual sex did not initially acknowledge that they had been raped. The reasons are complex, involving stigma, trauma responses, and societal misconceptions about what constitutes 'real rape'.
The stereotype of a violent stranger attack in a public place often does not match reality. A 2016 study of all rapes reported to a UK police force over two years found that not one of the 400 incidents fit this narrative. Many victims do not physically resist due to tonic immobility—a temporary, involuntary paralysis caused by intense fear. A 2017 study in Stockholm found that 70% of women visiting an emergency rape clinic experienced significant tonic immobility.
Dissociation, where a victim feels detached from their body, is another common response. Korbel describes seeking overwhelming sexual experiences that make her 'leave her body'. She explains, 'I have a very complicated relationship with dissociation because I understand that it’s a marker of a trauma.'
Legal definitions of rape vary widely, adding to confusion. In the UK, a woman cannot legally commit rape, while in the US, the age of consent ranges from 14 in Missouri to 17 in Illinois. These inconsistencies reflect a broader cultural confusion about what rape entails.
Rape Crisis England and Wales reports that 75% of people contacting their centres seek support for an assault that occurred at least a year earlier. There is no link between how quickly someone reports an assault and the genuineness of the allegation. Acknowledging rape is often a gradual process, hindered by societal myths and the brain's natural tendency to avoid trauma reminders.
