In-law relationships are often depicted as fraught with tension, and while this may seem exaggerated, experts say there are genuine reasons why these dynamics can be difficult. A 2012 study from Purdue University found that most couples enter marriage expecting positive ties with their in-laws, yet cultural tropes and historical factors often set the stage for conflict.
Pop culture is filled with examples of difficult in-laws, from the scheming Livia Soprano in The Sopranos to the meddling Marie Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond. Real-life reports of feuds, such as those involving Zayn Malik and Yolanda Hadid or Victoria Beckham and Nicola Peltz, further reinforce the stereotype. According to experts, these representations feed the assumption that in-law conflict is normal.
One reason for the tension is the lack of a clear rulebook for in-law relationships. Gretchen Perry, a professor at the University of Canterbury, New Zealand, notes that while people may share common interests with their own families, there is often less overlap with in-laws, making disagreements more likely.
Historically, patrilineal family structures have contributed to the trope of the meddling mother-in-law. In such societies, a daughter-in-law would move in with her husband's family, placing her under the authority of her mother-in-law. This dynamic could create a controlling environment ripe for conflict. Although such living arrangements are less common today, a 2022 US study found that both men and women report more conflict with their mothers-in-law than with their own mothers.
Psychologist Terri Apter, who conducted over two decades of research on the topic, suggests that these historical patterns still influence modern relationships. While not all in-law relationships are problematic, experts say that certain life stages and events—such as weddings, childbirth, or holidays—can act as flashpoints, reigniting tensions.
