Fred Murad's wife Claire died suddenly from sepsis aged just 40, leaving him to care for their two young children alone. The couple, from Herbrandston near Milford Haven, had moved from Bedford to Pembrokeshire in 2018 to raise a family somewhere safe.
Claire died the day after their daughter Sophie's first birthday, just three days after falling ill. The family had celebrated Friday night with a Chinese meal, and Fred had arranged to work the weekend to be off for their daughter's birthday on the Monday. Instead, he held his wife's hand as she took her last breath the next day.
'The pain was like a weight on my chest'
Describing the shock and agony of losing Claire so suddenly, Fred said there were times he didn't want to go on: "The pain was like a weight on my chest," he said. He knew he had to be there for their children. Six months later, he started retraining to change careers from hospitality to education, and says this and his children helped pull him through.
Originally from Texas, Fred moved to the UK in 2001 aged 19. He met Claire in Bedford in 2013, and they soon fell in love and married. When Claire's brother moved to Wales, they followed. Fred worked in catering while Claire, a former renal nurse, looked after their son Freddy, now nine, and Sophie, now five.
'I saw her take her last breath'
Recalling the events of November 2021, Fred said Claire messaged him at work on Saturday saying she felt unwell. She then messaged again to say she was in agony and an ambulance would come, but it would be five hours. Fred rushed home and drove Claire to Withybush Hospital.
"I rushed her to the doctor because she was in so much pain. We arrived at Withybush Hospital A&E at 2.45pm and were seen about an hour later. It was 2021 so there were still Covid restrictions and I could not stay with her. She called me later that night saying she was going for a scan."
Back home, Fred wasn't unduly worried. The next day, he had a call saying Claire was in intensive care. "The doctor called me at 5pm and said she was in ICU and I should come in. The last time I saw her she was being taken onto the ward and they told me to give her a hug and kiss and that was the last time I saw her conscious. Next time I saw her she had all these tubes in her. As her husband, you cannot imagine how that felt."
Claire died on November 2 2021; Sophie's birthday was November 1. A post mortem afterwards found Claire had suffered a burst intestine and sepsis set in. "We never found out why and there were no warning signs," Fred said. "When she passed I was holding her hand and told her 'don't give up'. I saw her take her last breath."
'I feel I have her blessing'
Afterwards, Fred had 12 weeks of Cruise bereavement counselling. "I just cried to this lady for 12 weeks. I felt on top of the world with my wife. We were not rich but we were happy and had a beautiful family. Why did this have to happen? I have no real answers, we were just told her large intestine split causing sepsis and she was too weak to fight it. It is always going to haunt me. She had only just turned 40 in the July."
Fred talks to their children about Claire every night. Sophie was too young when her mother passed away to have memories, and he wants her to know about her. "There was a time when I wanted to give up without her. Then I would look at Freddy and Sophie and they needed me. They had lost their mummy and couldn't lose their daddy too. Their little faces remind me of her."
Caring for two small children, Fred realised he could not continue with his catering job. He left his role as chef/manager for catering at the Castle Morton Firing Range, where the contractor he worked for catered for military personnel. "After Claire passed away I had to let that go because I had two small children. But I knew I needed to do something else."
Fred joined a Springboard adult learning course at his children's school in Pembrokeshire. In the last five years, he has completed 25 courses including family learning, numeracy, literacy, digital skills and welding. He is now starting the final year of a foundation degree in inclusive education with the University of Wales Trinity Saint David, and plans to do an extra year to get a BA degree. Simultaneously, he is working towards a Level 3 Award in education, teaching and learning at Pembrokeshire College.
Fred has now changed career from managing chefs to working as a welding tutor at the college. His achievements have been recognised with a Life Change Award in this year's Inspire! Adult Learning Awards. Fred will be presented with his award at the Coal Exchange in Cardiff on September 23 as one of 11 winners. The awards, co-ordinated by the Learning and Work Institute with support from the Welsh Government, recognise people who have demonstrated an outstanding commitment to learning.
Fred hopes Claire would have been proud of what he's achieved. "If I had passed away instead of Claire, I wouldn't want her to give up, so I can't let her down. Springboard and Learning Pembrokeshire opened the door for me to learn while providing childcare which was greatly needed as a lone parent without family support. Claire would not have wanted me to give up. I feel I have her blessing and I hope she would be proud of me. When she was alive she always said she wanted the children to grow up safe, healthy and happy. Now she's gone I can't let them down."
Fred's nominator, Laura Phillips from Springboard at Pembrokeshire County Council, said: "As a tutor, Fred has the same mentality as the one he adopted for the sake of his children. He says he is not going to give up on anyone and wants to inspire every learner to believe in themselves and their ability to achieve."
