A man in his 20s who works in a restaurant kitchen has written to agony aunt Coleen Nolan for advice, saying his girlfriend's constant criticism is wearing him down. He says he works hard to support his long-term girlfriend and their baby, but she complains about lack of money and calls his job a "dead-end" job.
Kicked out and taken back
A few weeks ago, she kicked him out of the house, forcing him to crash with a friend. Last week, she called him, apologized, and asked him to come home, saying she wanted to work things out. He returned because he missed her and his son, but within two days, the same pattern resumed. He says she gives him a hard time but does nothing to help find solutions or get back into work herself, pushing him away and taking no responsibility. He feels everything, including her problems, is somehow his fault.
Coleen's advice
Coleen advises him to have a heartfelt conversation about what's right for both of them and their son's best interests. She suggests timing it well, getting input from his girlfriend, and avoiding anger or shouting. If the conversation turns hostile, she advises removing himself or shutting down the discussion until they are both calm.
She notes that his girlfriend may be experiencing postpartum depression, so he should ask her how she's feeling and how she's coping. She points to resources like pandasfoundation.org.uk and smilegroup.org.uk, and suggests she could reach out to her GP or health visitor for support.
No shame in asking for help
Coleen emphasizes that being new parents is hard, especially when young, and it's okay to reach out to professionals, family, and friends. She says there is no shame in asking for help—it's a strong thing to do. She advises starting with a grown-up conversation, telling her he's trying and working hard, and asking what they can do as a couple to make things easier at home.
