A reader has discovered that her boyfriend cheated on her with his ex-wife about a year ago, after she had suspected it at the time. The reader, who has an 18-month-old daughter with her boyfriend, had asked him about it then, but he denied it and made her feel she was wrong.
How the truth came out
The boyfriend's ex-wife recently called the reader to confess. She admitted they had slept together once a year ago and was apologetic, but felt the reader should know. The reader believes the ex-wife must have been annoyed with him to reveal the secret.
The reader says she always had an inkling he might want to get back with his ex, but he denied it whenever she asked. She feels like an idiot for being taken in and is shocked that he has lied to her for a year.
Coleen's advice on what to do next
In her response, Coleen Nolan says the key question is whether the reader wants to try to save the relationship. If it feels like there is no going back, then maybe she has answered her own question, though it is harder when children are involved.
Coleen suggests honest communication is the only way forward, including asking what made him sleep with her and how trust can be rebuilt. If the reader decides to work things out, she should make clear there are no guarantees or second chances, and it is up to him to prove he deserves trust.
Take time before deciding
Coleen advises the reader to avoid rash decisions while still processing the hurt and anger. She notes that blended families are complicated, and cheating with the ex makes it harder. No one would blame her for leaving, but counselling could help her figure out how to move forward.
Coleen's final words of wisdom: people show who they really are through their actions, and how they treat others matters more than what they say.
