A woman going through a divorce has written to advice columnist Coleen Nolan, expressing her difficulty in accepting that her ex-husband's new partner is now part of her children's lives. The mother of two, aged six and eight, admits she is relieved the marriage is over but is struggling with the fact that her ex is with someone else, and the children stay with them two nights a week.
The woman describes the new partner as a longtime friend of her ex who was 'in the background' throughout the marriage, and she never trusted her. She says the woman always looked 'self-satisfied' when she drops off the kids, and she wants to scream, 'You're welcome to him! He's a nightmare!' but instead fakes a smile. Her main goal, she says, is to keep the peace.
Coleen's Advice
Coleen Nolan advises the reader to accept that the new woman will be around the children, as she is now part of his life. She praises the reader for handling the drop-offs without drama, which is right for the children. She reminds her that she is happy to be out of the marriage and that it is good the children have a routine with their father twice a week.
Coleen suggests that if the children came home saying the girlfriend was mean or shouty, it would be a different conversation. But if they are having a nice time with their dad, that is what matters. Drawing from personal experience, she recommends continuing to drop the kids off with a smile, as it may be more irritating to the ex than anger. She recounts helping her own sons colour pictures for 'the other woman' and then sliding down the door in tears, but feeling it was worth it for her children's sake.
Words of Wisdom
Coleen adds a note on planning: 'Planning feels like you’re getting stuff done, but it doesn’t change things unless you act on those plans. So don’t wait for the perfect moment (it doesn’t exist) and take the first step now.'
