A woman in her early 30s has written to advice columnist Coleen Nolan because she is not ready to move in with her partner of just over a year, despite his repeated hints that he would like them to live together.
The woman says the relationship is going well, but she feels it is still a bit early to set up home together. The couple live a few minutes’ walk from each other, spend nights at each other’s places and are together at weekends.
They have talked about marriage and possibly children in the future, and she acknowledges that moving in together would be the next step. However, she previously lived with an ex-boyfriend in a flat owned by his family, and when they separated she had to leave and start again. She now feels settled where she is and does not want to risk that.
Fear of repeating past mistakes
Coleen says the woman appears to have been deeply affected by what happened in her previous relationship, leaving her cautious and fearful because last time it went horribly wrong. She suggests several scenarios: moving in and quickly discovering it does not work, waiting two years and then moving in only to find the same, or it could be brilliant.
Coleen notes that living together is a whole new ball game, where you see every side of each other and must be less selfish and compromise more. She advises that if the couple can talk about their expectations and how they will deal with challenges, it is worth a try.
Leap of faith
She says a year is not too soon, and that is clearly what the partner is thinking too. While it is good to take time to consider, she advises not to overthink it, adding that you cannot know how things will work out, but you might regret not trying.
