Daily Star agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle readers' issues with straight-talking advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues and drug use, she has helped thousands of readers over the years and isn't slowing down.
Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Hatred for late ex-wife
A man describes his ex-wife as vile, selfish, manipulative and cruel. She died last March and he doesn't care. They had no children together, and she made their 12-year marriage a living hell. Her parents are beside themselves with grief, but he can't pretend to be upset. Her mother keeps talking about how decent and loving she was, but he says nothing could be further from the truth.
He claims she was a liar and a cheat who stole and deliberately made others' lives a misery. She got a kick out of causing trouble and boasted she was known as The Ball Breaker at work. She ran her own business and thought nothing of sabotaging rivals, stealing ideas and ripping off clients. At home, she treated him like an idiot, had many affairs and gloated whenever he found out. More than once he found other men in their bed, and it was an open secret that she went to the guy three doors down for sex whenever he was out of town. He also knows she used male escorts whenever she fancied a thrill.
Now her family are weeping about missing her. He wonders if he should tell them the truth. He notes it was tragic that she died, but maybe she brought everything on herself. He finds it hard to muster sympathy when she was so horrible, and they hadn't lived together for three years when she died.
Jane says the woman is gone and can't defend herself. Holding onto hatred isn't doing him any good. She advises him not to rubbish his late wife in front of her family because that's not fair. She's dead, and they're entitled to remember her anyway they see fit. Telling her parents his story won't accomplish anything except to make him look nasty and vindictive. The chances are they know precisely what she was really like, having lived with her throughout her younger life. Maybe the apple didn't fall far from the tree, and they're not exactly honest and upstanding people themselves. But they're still her parents and allowed to be upset and grieve, if only to mourn what she could have been.
Jane wonders if he's more upset by this death than he's letting on. He's had a big shock and is still reeling. She advises him not to be too quick to bounce back, to visit his GP if he thinks he's suffering from stress, and to consider talking to a therapist about how she treated him and where he goes from here, to make sure he doesn't make the same mistakes with another person a second time around.
Feeling second best
A woman says her boyfriend's female boss is obsessed with him, always calling him into work on 'urgent business' as an excuse to see him. Then there's his gorgeous ex-girlfriend, who is in a new relationship but the woman is convinced she's still in love with him. She keeps in touch because they have joint custody of their dog. The boyfriend insists she's the only one for him, but she often feels second best and under siege, with another woman always fluttering around him.
Jane advises her to sit her guy down this week and level with him. Explain that she can't live her life looking over her shoulder and needs to be able to relax to function and thrive. She should ask if there's anything he needs to tell her about his relationship with his boss, whether the boss acts inappropriately, whether he needs to speak to HR, or whether he needs to look for a new job. She should make it clear she's no mug and won't allow the wool to be pulled over her eyes. As for the ex-girlfriend, the arrangement with the dog presumably won't last forever, but while she's still in and out of his life, she expects him to behave. She should ask if she can trust him, if he's completely loyal, or if there's something he'd like to get off his chest.
Father's blame game
A woman says her father blames her for her mum going off with another man when she was three. He says she was a horrible baby. Her childhood was grim, with her doing all the cooking and cleaning while he brought endless girlfriends into the home. She was forced to leave school at 16 and give him the majority of her earnings for bed and board. Now she's married with children, and her dad still thinks he's entitled to her cash and time, always ordering her to drive him around and pay his bills. Her husband doesn't want him in their house anymore.
Jane says her relationship with her father is deeply complex. She asks whether she's going to allow him to drag her down forever, and whether he would even bother with her if not for the cash and the lifts. She suggests she tell him how it's going to be from now on. If he can't treat her better and talk about his treatment of her during her childhood, then does she and he have a future? She believes her priorities lie with her husband and family now, and they must be her first concern. She also asks if she's considered counselling via her GP.
Fear of STIs in 2026
A woman keeps reading about the rise of sexually transmitted infections and is terrified she's going to catch one. She's just come out of a long relationship and feels ready to start dating again. But she wonders how she can tell if a guy is infection free. Her ex of ten years and she never cheated on each other; they grew apart. She feels completely exposed in 2026.
Jane says medical experts say that using condoms, having fewer partners and avoiding overlapping sexual partnerships can help to reduce the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection. She agrees the woman is right to be concerned and suggests she take the time to get to know any future potential partners, building a loving and respectful relationship before committing to sex. She advises her not to let anyone pressurise her into giving herself away.
