This summer, football's not coming home because it's off to Russia. Most likely, though, you'll be watching it in London — a capital idea. Just 28,000 tickets have been purchased officially by England fans travelling to the Fifa World Cup, down from the 94,000 sold for the last tournament in Brazil.
For the uninitiated, here's a bluffer's guide of what to watch out for. There are 736 players from 32 nationalities competing, so trying to remember them all is probably beyond the call of duty. You could try joining the cult Panini book sticker crowd as an aide memoir but this will cost you more than you may bargain for. A Cardiff maths professor recently calculated that filling the book will cost solo collectors £773.60 (or around £250, if you swap duplicates with friends).
Alternatively, be selective in your adulation. The England team, of course, is built around Harry Kane, the newly anointed captain. He insists he's at 'fighting weight' for the tournament after the Fifa website erroneously listed him at 96kg, rather than his more reasonable 89kg. Gareth Southgate's coaching credentials largely extend to managing expectations but hope is a national pastime. After a strong qualifying campaign, some solid friendly results and a favourable group draw (with Tunisia, Panama and Belgium), analysts at Swiss Bank UBS suggest England have an 8.5 per cent chance of lifting the trophy.
Not supporting the Three Lions? Good for you — the rest of us will be leaping on your bandwagon as soon as we crash out to an unfancied nation with a population the size of Reading. Belgium's Red Devils are a hot favourite with their own 'golden generation', including English Premier League talents Eden Hazard, Kevin De Bruyne, Mousa Dembélé and Romelu Lukaku. Egypt boast Mo Salah, the diminutive Liverpool forward who scored 43 goals in 49 games in his first season at the club, carrying them to the Champions' League final.
There are, of course, the usual suspects: serial Ballon D'Or winners Lionel Messi of Argentina and Cristiano Ronaldo of Portugal, who will likely be playing in their last World Cup finals. Brazil's fleet-footed Neymar, the most expensive player in world football, could carry his team to the final. France have Antoine Griezmann, the mercurial striker with a pedigree for scoring and, more recently, aping celebrations from video game Fortnite.
Every World Cup needs a villain. This year, watch Spain's Sergio Ramos, a serial champion with Real Madrid and the most sent-off player in his league's history. Do say: 'He's a pantomime villain, but you'd love him in your team.' Don't say: 'He's a thug.'
