A 34-year-old woman has sought advice after her ex-partner's friend asked if she could date him, months after their four-year relationship ended. The woman, who broke up with her partner because he kept avoiding marriage and family commitments, was left feeling humiliated by the request.
Breakup Reasons
The woman explained that her ex-partner, who is eight years older, convinced her he wanted the same things in life—marriage and a family—but kept making U-turns. If she pressed him, he would say he wasn't ready, or prefer to buy a new car or go on holiday. The final straw was him ducking out of her brother's wedding at the last minute to attend a folk festival, prompting her to end the relationship.
Friend's Request
Instead of disappearing, the ex-partner has created more drama. A friend recently called to ask if she had any objection to her dating him. The woman was gobsmacked, unable to believe either of them would think it appropriate, especially so soon after the relationship ended. She feels it is another humiliation and is considering warning her friend that he'll never grow up, but is unsure if it's worth it.
Coleen's Advice
In response, Coleen advises the woman to change her mindset and think of the breakup as a lucky escape. She suggests feeling sorry for the friend, who may end up in the same boat, and advises against warning her, as it could be seen as bitter or jealous. Coleen notes the ex-partner's behavior was cowardly, forcing the woman to break up with him. She encourages focusing on the future and finding someone who shares the same dreams and values.
