The Conservative Party Conference in Birmingham has showcased a satirical 88ft tapestry depicting the past two years under Labour, with no cabinet member, past or present, spared. The artwork, dubbed the 'Birmingham Tapestry', reimagines the Norman invasion of 1066 as a medieval illustration of current politics.
Among the scenes, Rachel Reeves is shown crying during Prime Minister's Questions, while Angela Rayner is pictured on a dinghy vaping and also as a dragon enveloped in smoke. Louise Haigh is surrounded by mobile phones under the words 'Genuine Mistake' in 11th-century typeface. Labour's tax rises are depicted as an arrow shot into the eye of British taxpayers, and Sir Keir Starmer waves goodbye to Peter Mandelson, with Jeffrey Epstein peering from behind a tree.
Anti-Burnham Merchandise
The real focus of the satire is Prime Minister Andy Burnham, portrayed as a modern-day William the Conqueror in Makerfield and later in his running shorts, sewing the UK's star back into the EU flag, referencing his flirtation with rejoining the single market. The 88ft artwork has been described as a satirical masterpiece.
Merchandise also carried an anti-Burnham theme. Journalists received goody bags containing sweets with artist Stanley Chow's cartoon of Burnham labelled 'Andy Panders' People Pleaser Pick N Mix', and water bottles with the slogan 'Bottler Burnham', adding '0% strength, bottled under pressure from Badenoch'. One delegate was unimpressed, calling it 'so 2008', a reference to the Tories giving Gordon Brown a similar epithet. Chow hit back over the weekend, saying he would seek legal advice on copyright infringement.
Policy Pledges and Criticism
Reform was also targeted with a mock envelope for Nigel Farage containing chocolate coins with a Bitcoin logo. Shadow chancellor Andrew Griffith pledged to cut one tax every year if the party returns to power, scrap the levy on high-value homes, make houses more affordable, abolish Natural England and the Environment Agency, and support a third runway at Heathrow Airport. He warned Burnham not to repeat the mistakes of Liz Truss's mini budget.
Kemi Badenoch is portrayed in the tapestry as a saviour, handing a young family their first home and promising to 'scrap the farm tax'. In another scene, she drives a tank with a barrel close to Burnham and towers over a sobbing Robert Jenrick. Despite the Conservatives hovering at around 19 percent in the polls, Badenoch remains popular. Luke Tryl of More in Common said: "Right now, Kemi is the only thing that's holding them up. If they ditched her, I think they'd be certain for electoral oblivion."
Famous Faces and Final Remarks
Jeremy Clarkson made a surprise appearance, championing farmers 'attacked' by rising costs and asking: "Why would anybody set up a business in this country right now?" He joked about setting up a pub in Piddington. The conference also featured a panel on 'Manchesterism' where a speaker called Burnham 'the front person of a band with no real talent'.
