When wandering around Ikea arm-in-arm, most newly cohabiting couples are too excited about their new sofa, or Billy bookcase, or the enormous house plant they are about to wrestle into an Uber, to think too deeply about what might happen to those items were their relationship to sour. But at a time when many young couples cannot afford to buy property or have children, furniture can end up being the only thing to fight over at the end of a relationship. And, as the cost of living rises, having to replace furniture after a breakup can have a huge impact on people's finances.
The Financial Toll of Splitting Up
Becca, a 35-year-old based in Leeds, recalls her 2022 breakup. She had been in a relationship for about a year when her then-girlfriend invited her to move in. Becca left her own flat, which she describes as amazing with a big garden, bright and lovely. Being what she calls young, stupid and in love, she left that behind. Becca reluctantly agreed to get rid of all the furniture she had bought for her flat, since her girlfriend did not want any of it in her place.
She suggested putting some stuff in storage, but her partner responded angrily, saying that suggested she was not committed to the relationship and was already thinking of an exit plan. The disagreement led to a big row, and Becca eventually came round to her girlfriend's point of view. She sold some furniture and left what she could not sell behind. After moving in, she paid half the cost of furnishing the second bedroom as an office. When the couple broke up six months later, Becca moved in with her family and did not even consider taking some of that furniture or asking for reimbursement.
Only a year later, when moving out of her family's home to rent again, she realised how much she had spent. Becca estimates she lost approximately £3,000 in total. She was able to cope because she earns enough, but it meant being more frugal when moving into her current flat, where half the stuff is secondhand. She especially regrets getting rid of a cabinet with glass doors that her mother had given her as a graduation gift, which she sold for about a third of its original price. It is replaceable but expensive, and she remains sad about it.
Emotional Attachments to Furniture
Couples and family therapist Kalanit Ben-Ari, who runs a private clinic in London, explains that furniture is rarely just about the object itself. People often project other feelings on to furniture, reflecting power dynamics, resistance to letting go, resentment, or even revenge. She advises clients at the end of a relationship: if something costs you your peace of mind, it is too expensive. Let go and put your energy into moving forward.
However, letting go is easier for some than others. A poll of 3,000 people last year found that one in five people in the UK aged 18-40 have delayed a breakup to make the cost of living more affordable. Becca now wishes she had not given up her stuff so readily, seeing it as a red flag that she was not allowed to bring any of her own furniture. But hiring a storage unit would have cost approximately £100 a month.
Emily, 30, who lives in London, also faced storage issues. Three years ago, she split up reasonably mutually with her boyfriend after living together for a year. She brought most of the furniture from her old place; her partner had previously lived in furnished accommodation. The only thing they bought together was a set of dining chairs. Because of their tenancy agreement, they had to live together for two months after the relationship ended, which was awful. When moving out, her ex asked if he could take various bits of furniture, surprising her since they were hers. She refused most requests but allowed him to take an almost impractically big rug given by her aunt.
Emily associated the rug with the flat and the relationship, feeling heavy and sad. Its size meant she had nowhere to put it. She agreed he could take it on condition that if he no longer wanted it, he would return it. But when her aunt visited and saw the rug missing, she was disappointed. Now Emily feels she needs to ask for it back, a task she has been putting off. Out of duty to her aunt, she feels she probably should, sooner rather than later.
Legal and Practical Advice
James Davies, a family lawyer and partner at Blake Morgan, says the law is not designed for unmarried couples. The legal framework is grossly inadequate and very difficult to navigate. However, it is probably not worth getting lawyers involved when there is no marriage or property dispute, as legal costs can quickly dwarf the value of the asset. He recommends employing a trained mediator, which is less costly and less antagonistic, allowing both parties to set the agenda and come up with creative solutions.
Davies advises couples to enter into a cohabitation agreement before moving in together. This legally binding document details how assets and finances will be managed during the relationship and in case of a breakup. While not hugely romantic, it is worth its weight in gold in preventing future problems and can be enforced in law if needed.
Zoe, 29, who lives in the UK but was formerly based in Berlin, wishes she had signed a pre-rental agreement with her former housemate. They had gone halves on buying furniture for their flat, with a verbal agreement that if one moved out, the other would buy them out. But when Zoe decided to leave, her housemate insisted on accounting for a 4.5% per annum depreciation rate. They ended up pinging Excel spreadsheets back and forth. Frustrated, Zoe relented and allowed her ex-housemate to set the price. After she moved out, they never spoke again.
Jade, 32, felt she had no choice but to take a financial hit when she left the Bedfordshire house she shared with her partner of five years last year. She took only a desk that was hers and left everything else, including a fridge, washing machine, and the bed and mattress she had bought prior to the relationship. She felt weird to say she was leaving and also taking the bed from underneath him. There was back and forth about random items, but because she was the one leaving, she did not want to bring all that up. Now the dust has settled, she wonders why she did not just take that or why they did not actually talk about it.
She is particularly sad to have lost a handmade whale-shark-shaped candle holder they bought together. They deliberated over buying it for a while, and as she was moving out, she wondered who would get the whale shark, but they did not decide. To avoid further confrontation, she left it behind. In total, she estimates the money she paid towards all the furniture and appliances left behind comes close to £5,000. She thinks it is really hard when you are not legally married, and there is no blueprint on how to be fair about possessions. You just have to be prepared to take a bit of a hit.
Jade thinks she would want clearer allocations of who owns what if she were to move in with someone again. Though it is weird to bring it up when moving in, she thinks it might be better to say: I will buy this bit, you buy that bit, and if anything happens we just take what we have paid for. In some ways, she is glad to be free of the items she chose with her ex, as they feel like part of that chapter of life, and it will be nice to have the freedom to do things differently next time.
Names and some locations have been changed.
