Lord Maurice Glasman has claimed there is a "sustained war" on fun sweeping the country that is driving lonely Brits out of the pub and onto the internet to indulge in "vice". Speaking at a fringe event at the Labour Party Conference in Liverpool, the peer warned that laughter could soon be made illegal because telling jokes "hurts people's feelings".
War on laughter
Lord Glasman told the room: "I think there is a sustained war on laughter and that's going to be illegal soon because laughter hurts other people's feelings." He added: "The meaning of life is found in relationships and the penalisation of getting together to enjoy yourself is a bit counterintuitive when you think about working class life."
The peer demanded an urgent tax overhaul to make pints cheaper in pubs than in supermarkets before boozers die out completely. He warned that if Prime Minister Andy Burnham gets his way over changes to drinking at football matches, terraces will be the only place left to get a drink.
Pubs closing down
Lord Glasman took aim at high overheads forcing local pubs to shut up shop, leaving millions isolated in their own homes. His comments follow the PM's push to scrap the 40-year-old ban on football fans supping a pint in the stands.
He said: "If you look at the figures on pubs closing down, if Andy Burnham is right then the only place you'll be able to go and have a drink is the football, which would be very strange."
Mental health toll
Warning of the grim mental health toll caused by shuttered locals, Lord Glasman added: "When that institution closes down, it drives people into isolation. There's been a lot of talk about mental health and my view is that people are very lonely. They then take refuge in the internet, which is a huge source of vice."
Demanding an immediate fix to protect Britain's "2,000 years of pretty consistent drinking", the Labour peer said: "We've got to have a structure where we actually incentivise people to meet each other. Pubs aren't closing down because people aren't going, they're closing down because the overheads are too high. It's about the tax incentive structure. I think alcohol should be cheaper in pubs than in the supermarket."
Divide in Labour
Tom Doherty, head of policy at the Good Growth Foundation, warned that youngsters are having their lives constrained by over-regulating town halls. "Any government or local authority that takes decisions that constrains their right to a night out is for the birds," he said. "It's really important that we restore that right to a night out for young people."
The panel exposed a deep divide running through the Labour Party. Just doors away, Labour MP Dawn Butler was speaking at a rally for the Coalition to End Gambling Ads, where she branded gambling addiction a "national health emergency" and called for strict new rules. Ms Butler said: "They're addicted to gambling, they lose all their wages and then men go out and beat their wives and their children. It has so many social ills attached to it. I thought, 'this is crazy. Why can't we stop this?' And that's when I started campaigning."
Lord Glasman warned ministers against trying to force Brits to live like monks. "When people say that they prefer to drink on their own or gamble on their own, I don't think that we have to accept that," he said.
