The Conservative party conference in Birmingham has been marked by surreal moments and low attendance, with leader Kemi Badenoch's off-the-cuff humour providing the main entertainment.
Badenoch's Comedy Turn
During a morning media round, Badenoch was pressed on the party's overnight announcement of a £10bn Iron Dome to protect the UK from drone and missile attacks. Interviewers questioned how such a system could be built for about a tenth of the cost experts estimated, and whether it was a publicity stunt.
"Stop calling it an Iron Dome," Badenoch dead-panned. "It isn't an Iron Dome. I've never called it an Iron Dome. It's a Britannia Shield." This came despite the Tory press office releasing a statement calling it an Iron Dome and an opinion piece in the Sun written by Badenoch herself using the same term.
When asked about operational details, Badenoch admitted she had no clue, saying she was "just the one with the ideas" and leaving details to others. She suggested the shield might involve Sopwith Camel biplanes and barrage balloons that could be diverted to Scotland at a fortnight's notice.
Conference Atmosphere
The conference itself has been described as a "Potemkin village" with small pockets of people roaming aimlessly, insisting it is "very heaven in this dawn to be alive." Attendees have been seen crossing themselves before images of Badenoch.
In the "Main Hall," a converted cupboard, shadow education secretary Laura Trott addressed only about 15 people in the room, with eight watching online, a figure that soon dropped to one. Shadow education spokesperson Rebecca Paul discussed £50k handbags with a woman named Plum to no audience.
War Rhetoric
In the afternoon, shadow foreign secretary Tom Tugendhat announced "I am coming back to serve." Historian Niall Ferguson told attendees "A world war is coming" and "there is nothing we could do about it," making later speeches by Helen Whately and James Cartlidge seem redundant.
The conference has been likened to a remake of The Truman Show, with everyone waking up each day believing they are engaged in something meaningful when nothing is happening. The event has been described as a place where "hope came to die."
