Count Binface has released his manifesto for the Clacton by-election, featuring pledges to make arcade grabber games fairer, appoint Wayne Rooney as a Eurovision summariser, and move a hand dryer in a Southport restaurant to a more sensible position.
The Clacton by-election
The by-election was triggered after Nigel Farage unexpectedly resigned as an MP, intending to rerun. Other major parties boycotted the vote, calling it a stunt. As a result, Farage faces 33 opponents, mostly fringe or comedy candidates, with Count Binface emerging as the most prominent challenger.
A poll earlier this month showed 33% of the public wanted Binface to win, compared to 21% for Farage. Sir Keir Starmer and Rachel Reeves reportedly relished the idea of Farage spending his summer arguing with a bin.
Manifesto highlights
Binface's manifesto includes a promise to boost Clacton's economy, cut taxes for voters while raising them for others, cap bus fares at £1.99, and limit 99 Flake ice-creams to 99p. He pledges to spend more time in Clacton than in Washington DC, and to champion the area.
Other pledges include barring MPs who resign mid-parliament from the resulting by-election, forcing MPs who change party to face a by-election, building at least one affordable house, and making arcade grabber games fairer so players have a chance to win.
Additional proposals: oil and gas companies to pay for solar panels for everyone (suggested by Jack, aged 10), regeneration of Walton Pier, a windfall tax on cosy crime novels written by celebrities, and filling potholes using copies of the 2024 Labour Party manifesto.
Further pledges
Binface also wants Parliament moved to his Bin HQ in Weeley while the Palace of Westminster is restored, licences revoked for drivers with annoyingly loud exhausts near Clacton station, and a promise not to accept £5 million gifts from crypto billionaires on Earth.
He proposes a referendum on Pluto regaining planet status, moving the hand dryer in the gents' toilet at the Great Himalayas restaurant in Southport to a more sensible position, and appointing Wayne Rooney as the BBC's expert Eurovision summariser.
Count Binface also pledges to represent the UK at Eurovision 2027, with Clacton hosting Eurovision 2028. He stands by past manifestos, including nationalising Adele and renaming HS2 to FFS1.
