After years of diets, therapy and hypnotherapy, columnist Ruth Mosalski has concluded that self-acceptance matters more than trying to fix herself. She has lost around 10st since appearing in the 2009 BBC One documentary Fix My Fat Head, though not through hypnosis, and now believes there is a difference between wanting to change something and believing everything needs fixing.
A Lifelong Search for Inner Peace
Mosalski writes that she has tried therapy, hypnotherapy, CBT, sound baths and NHS-sanctioned talking therapy, along with numerous diets, in an attempt to become a better version of herself. One therapist, a man called Mr Strange, established a rapport with her over their surnames, with Mosalski noting she is no relation to Tom Jones and he had never met Steve Strange, the New Romantic singer who fronted Visage.
She recalls interviewing Steve Strange years earlier and buying him a cheese and ham toastie, describing him as a "nice fella" who was "bit crackers." She also told Mr Strange about the time Tom Jones telephoned her and that she had been round Ruth Jones' house many times.
Failed Hypnotherapy Attempts
Her first hypnotherapist, based just outside Cardiff, greeted her with a relaxation CD featuring her face on the cover, though she never discovered where he obtained the photograph. He placed her in an enormous rocking chair with an electric blanket and explained he would help her change the way she thought about food. However, she could not be hypnotised, instead thinking about the photograph, her appearance and Kenny Craig from Little Britain.
A second attempt involved a trip to Harley Street while making Fix My Fat Head. The celebrity hypnotist also failed to put her under, telling her: "You obviously don't want it enough. Otherwise I'd be able to help you. Something inside you is stopping me from getting through." Mosalski remembers this conversation clearly because she did want it, wanting to stop feeling ashamed and to stop measuring her self-esteem in chips.
Accepting Imperfection
Since the documentary, Mosalski has lost around 10st, though not through hypnosis, and is considerably happier with her physical self. She notes that the relationship between her head and the rest of her remains complex, like the best carbohydrates.
She reflects that after 30-odd years of trying, she is running out of therapies, patience and money. However, she has stopped expecting somebody else to produce a certificate confirming she is finally fit for human consumption, which feels like progress.
