When Lucia's libido dropped, she found imaginative ways to reignite her spark with Edwin. Here, they share their story of how a pep talk, fake stories, and roleplay helped bring back the passion.
Lucia's Perspective
Lucia, 45, recalls feeling guilty because she loves Edwin and wants to make him happy. About five years ago, her libido was so low she thought she'd never want sex again. She attributes it to pandemic stress or perimenopausal hormonal changes. 'Something in my brain wasn't working,' she says. The couple argued more, and Edwin felt rejected. But Lucia knew sex needed to happen in their relationship.
After six months to a year, she saw a doctor who prescribed a supplement. However, shifting her mindset made the real difference. She gave herself pep talks in the mirror, saying, 'I am going to have sex and I am going to enjoy it.' This led to more adventurous sex and improved quality. She started telling Edwin fake sexy stories about encounters with others and playing 'the stranger'—roleplaying as different people on a date. Now they have sex about three times a week.
Edwin's Perspective
Edwin, 46, says physical touch is his love language, and connection is most important. He only fantasises about Lucia, which he finds awesome. After 26 years, they know each other's preferences, but they avoid routine. Their sex life follows a schedule, with 80% of encounters before lunch. They are 'pretty vanilla' but enjoy dirty talk and recently bought a remote-controlled toy.
Edwin has the higher libido and noticed Lucia's lulls due to hormonal changes. Her lack of affection was unsettling for him. He credits her conscious choice to be more present as the biggest change. 'Love is a conscious decision,' he says. 'Each day, you decide fresh that this is who I'm with.'
