Jane O'Gorman, the Daily Star's agony aunt, has responded to a reader who says his ex-girlfriend is stalking him and making his life hell after he ended their four-year relationship.
The man explained that his ex cannot believe he dumped her and is vengeful and angry, trying to intimidate him into taking her back. He described her as greedy and cheating, recounting a surprise birthday party he organised for her in September at a fancy restaurant, where she ordered expensive drinks and groped other guys in front of him. When he complained, she told him to 'stop being uptight'.
Jane's advice on handling the stalker
Jane said: "We all have our limit, and you reached yours during that disastrous party. Now your girl is on her own and out in the cold and doesn't like it." She added that the ex doesn't want to let go because he indulged her for four long years.
Jane advised the man to keep a diary of the stalking and her unacceptable behaviour, and to warn her that he will report her to the authorities if she continues to make a nuisance of herself. She called it a tough challenge but urged him to hold his nerve because she has been a dead weight around his neck, and he deserves his life back.
Cooling off period with cousin
In another letter, a reader said his cousin has announced she doesn't wish to see or talk to him again. Their fathers, who were brothers, are both deceased. He used to see her at Christmas, Easter and August Bank Holiday Monday, but she has now sent a message cutting him off, saying she doesn't feel they have anything left to say to each other.
Jane suggested the cousin could be going through a tricky patch financially or mentally, and asked if she has a new partner or job or is struggling with bills. She advised giving her space and writing a note saying he respects her wishes but will always be free if she needs help, reminding her that they are family and he will never judge or abandon her. She noted that their paths will likely cross again at a future family event.
Pressure to drink alcohol
A third reader said his girlfriend loves to get drunk, while he has given up booze for health reasons and only drinks still water or milk. She has threatened to dump him unless he starts going out drinking with her again, and he feels under pressure to binge when he doesn't want to.
Jane advised that he cannot allow himself to be bullied into boozing if he doesn't want to, and suggested talking to her when they are both calm and sober to ask her to see things from his point of view. She said his girlfriend can do whatever she likes but he is an individual, and clearly she loves the process of going out and getting drunk, but that is not his problem.
Jane O'Gorman is the Daily Star's agony aunt, helping readers with issues ranging from bedroom confessions to self-confidence and drug use. Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com, though Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
