Anita Williams, a 43-year-old police officer from Winchcombe, Gloucestershire, is encouraging people to be "kind" to those experiencing loss, describing bereavement as an "ongoing struggle" after her husband Ben died aged 38, just six months after a lung cancer diagnosis.
Ben was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer (SCLC) in January 2021, following months of pain above his hip. Doctors initially assured the couple he was "too young for cancer" at 37, but when finally diagnosed, the cancer had reached stage four and was terminal, with a prognosis of 12 to 18 months.
Diagnosis and decline
Despite chemotherapy and immunotherapy, Ben's health declined. After the couple planned to renew their wedding vows, he was admitted to Sue Ryder Leckhampton Court Hospice, where he was diagnosed with leptomeningeal cancer – cancer cells that had spread to the thin tissue layers covering the brain and spinal cord. He died in July 2021.
Anita first met Ben in a nightclub aged 19. They married in April 2004 and had three children: Kieran, now 22, Ella, 19, and Emilie, seven. Ben worked as an electrician and was an "avid Manchester United supporter", enjoying cricket and five-a-side football in his spare time.
Ben had been "always fit and healthy" until he began experiencing a "nagging" pain above his hip in summer 2020. His GP carried out urine and blood tests but "couldn't find out what was causing it", with doctors saying: "You're too young for cancer."
Memory boxes
After a CT scan flagged "something in (his) lung", a follow-up scan in January 2021 revealed masses on his lung and liver. A biopsy confirmed SCLC – a cancer Anita had "never heard of".
Anita said that when told the diagnosis was terminal, "I just screamed. Ben was holding me and I was wailing." Ben started chemotherapy and immunotherapy, but deteriorated in June. He lost his ability to swallow, walk, urinate and speak, and his pain became "out of control".
After Ben's death, Anita realised she had few keepsakes capturing his life. This inspired her to create A Box from Ben – a memory box designed to help families facing terminal illness preserve precious keepsakes. The boxes can include photos, letters, drawings, a jar of notes with memories, objects with meaning, a USB stick with videos or recordings, or hand and finger prints.
Ongoing grief
Anita has had trauma therapy for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), caused by "watching (Ben) die so horribly at such a young age". She likened grief to "wearing a 20-kilo backpack" every day, saying it "takes a real physical toll on your body".
She joined a Facebook group called Widowed and Young after Ben's death, which has given her comfort, and she has "found some of (her) best friends for life on there". She advises others experiencing loss to "take it hour by hour, day by day".
Anita hopes her story encourages people to seek medical advice for unusual symptoms and to advocate for themselves. She added: "If you feel something's not right, please push to get yourself checked. And finally, I think I'd say to anyone who's dealing with someone who's grieving, be kind."
Paul Madden, head of grief and bereavement quality and governance at Sue Ryder, said: "Grief is a deeply personal experience, and no two people will respond to it in the same way. Some may throw themselves into keeping busy, while others might find everyday tasks overwhelming, and neither reaction is right or wrong. There is no set timeline for grief, nor a 'correct' way to navigate it. It can come in waves, often when least expected."
