In the age of Ozempic and open discussions about plastic surgery, talk about people's bodies is everywhere—yet no one seems sure how to navigate it. Recent coverage of celebrities like Ariana Grande highlights the confusion.
Eating disorder experts have shared guidelines for discussing others' bodies without causing harm.
Why body talk feels harder now
Dr Tom Hildebrandt, director of the Center for Eating and Weight Disorders at Mount Sinai hospital in New York, describes a “whiplash moment we’re stuck in.” The body positivity movement of the 2010s pushed to “accept all body sizes, shapes and types,” he says. Then, with the rise of GLP-1 drugs, progress toward body acceptance “took a hard right turn,” and “the media went through its idealization of weight loss” again.
The vocabulary has shifted too. Now the focus is on “optimizing” one's body and appearance, says Dr Ulrike Schmidt, professor of eating disorders at King’s College London. The flood of social media posts has only worsened the confusion, making body discourse inescapable.
“The internet, specifically social media, has made commentary on the appearance of others more visible and widespread,” says Jessica Scheer, CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association (Neda). “Most of the commentary is speculative, and almost all of it is harmful.”
Is it harmful to comment on bodies?
“Everything is about context,” says Hildebrandt. “It means something different in your physician’s office than it does on a social media account for the whole world to see.”
Many people are unhappy with their bodies and appearance, Schmidt notes. A 2023 report by the Butterfly Foundation, Australia’s national charity for eating disorders and body image issues, found that 57% of young people were dissatisfied with how they look, and 49% said this had sometimes stopped them from attending school.
“Even the seemingly most innocent and well-meaning comments about people’s body weight, shape or appearance have the potential for backfiring, sensitizing or hurting people,” Schmidt says. In her clinical work, many patients recall comments about their bodies as the starting point of their eating disorder journey—some critical, some intended as compliments. “In clinic, we often hear that these kinds of congratulatory comments … made them think they are only acceptable, attractive and desirable if they are a certain weight or physique.”
How to respond in different situations
Body talk is common, and experts suggest strategies for various contexts.
If an acquaintance or colleague brings up another person or celebrity’s body: Often, discussing bodies is like talking about the weather—a low-stakes topic when there's nothing else to say, says Hildebrandt. “But it’s a very low-level social connection; it doesn’t have much meaning to it.” Remarks are usually not badly meant but a reflex.
“I tell people to be bored by it,” says Hildebrandt. “As soon as you signal that you’re not interested—by not engaging and changing the topic, for example—people will move on quickly.” This strategy also helps if you feel triggered by such discussions.
If a child criticizes their body or someone else’s: “If a young child says something negative about their body, it might be helpful to ask: ‘What makes you say that?’” says Schmidt. The comment might stem from bullying or mirroring adults. “Depending on the origins of the comment, the response may need to be quite different.”
Hildebrandt tells his own children that public body talk is “just trying to get your attention” and often features “lazy” messaging. “If someone’s going to try to sell me something based on somebody’s body type, they’re being lazy,” he says. The antidote is to pursue other interests—it's tough to “be less interested” in this topic; “you have to be more interested in something else.”
If an older relative criticizes or praises someone’s body: Language can mean different things across generations, Hildebrandt notes. A grandparent’s remark about weight loss may be about overall success or concern. Engaging with their intended meaning, rather than being overly literal, avoids “ending up in a situation where there’s friction.”
If people are discussing someone’s body on social media: Experts advise against commenting. “I see a lot of talk online about the harms of staying silent,” says Scheer. “However, making speculative comments about a person’s weight or physical appearance is not the antidote to silence.” If a publicly speculated eating disorder may be the case, “critical online discourse may be the digital reinforcement that fuels their continued behavior.” Asked if posting about someone else's body on social media is ever valuable, Hildebrandt says, “I haven’t heard of one yet.”
Neda recommends limiting screen time and thinking critically about media, including asking: “Who created and profits from the message?”
If you are worried about a friend or close relative: “Be inquisitive, honest and open,” says Hildebrandt. “Don’t jump to a solution. Most people don’t want solutions—certainly not right off the bat. They want to be heard and understood, so being open and curious will get you the furthest.” Scheer suggests focusing on other aspects that often accompany an eating disorder, “like social isolation and brain fog,” rather than appearance.
“None of us have the ability to control other people,” says Hildebrandt. “The other person is going to dictate whether the conversation goes further or not. If you’ve demonstrated that you can listen, hear and understand, then chances are you’re going to have more conversations.”
