A children's psychologist has identified a critical mistake parents often make when introducing their older child to a new baby. While welcoming a new sibling is a joyful event, it can be challenging for toddlers who may struggle with sharing parental attention.
The Expert's Advice
Dr Becky, founder of Good Inside, shared her insights on the podcast Two Parents & A Podcast. She suggests that when the older child visits the hospital, the newborn should be kept in the nurse's station initially. This allows the toddler to first reconnect with the parent without the baby present.
According to Dr Becky, children perceive attachment concretely. If the toddler walks into a room where the parent is already holding the baby, they may feel like an outsider. Instead, the parent should greet the toddler alone, then together retrieve the baby from the nurse's station. This gives the toddler a sense of control and inclusion.
Replicating at Home
For home births or situations where the baby cannot be separated, Dr Becky recommends placing the baby in a bassinet or cot away from the immediate greeting area. The key is to ensure the toddler feels like the protagonist in the story.
Mixed Reactions
The advice has sparked debate on social media. Some parents agree, sharing success stories. One mother said her son felt involved when they called the baby 'his' and gave him a present from the newborn. Others disagree, insisting the baby should stay with the mother at all times.
A commenter with early childhood education experience argued, 'Newborns don't even understand they are separate from mom... Mom and baby will be attached for a while and that's ok.' Another parent noted that the baby was in a bassinet, and the toddler naturally became curious and wanted to hold the baby.
Conclusion
While opinions vary, Dr Becky's method emphasizes the toddler's emotional needs. The goal is to foster a positive sibling relationship from the start, acknowledging that each child and family dynamic is unique.
