The Hidden Burden: How Keeping Secrets Impacts Mental Health and Wellbeing
A groundbreaking 2017 study uncovered a startling reality: the average individual is harbouring 13 distinct types of secrets, with a significant portion—five of these—remaining entirely unspoken to anyone. This research, highlighted by clinical psychologist Valentina Bianchi from the University of Melbourne, underscores the pervasive nature of secrecy in modern life and its profound effects on psychological health.
Bianchi, a leading expert in this emerging field, explains that the act of concealing information is not merely a social behaviour but a psychological burden that can drain mental resources. "Keeping secrets is psychologically costly," she asserts, linking it to a range of negative consequences including increased stress, anxiety, and feelings of isolation. Her forthcoming studies delve deeper into how these hidden truths shape our overall wellbeing, offering insights into when silence might be necessary and when sharing could alleviate the load.
Defining Secrets in Psychological Terms
In psychology, the definition of a secret has evolved significantly. Initially viewed as information actively withheld in conversations, contemporary understanding, influenced by Bianchi's collaborator, now centres on intention. A secret is any information one has resolved not to disclose to others, regardless of whether it is ever shared. "The moment someone commits to holding information back—that's when a secret is born," Bianchi clarifies. This shift highlights that the mere act of deciding to keep something hidden triggers mental processes, with spontaneous thoughts about the secret often causing the most distress.
Categories and Common Types of Secrets
Researchers have identified 38 broad categories of secrets, ranging from explosive confidences like hidden relationships or criminal activities to more mundane ones such as unshared hobbies or personal goals. While it's challenging to quantify the total number of secrets individuals hold—Bianchi notes people could conceal "hundreds of lies" alone—the 2017 study found that common types include lies told and kept, financial matters, romantic desires, and sexual behaviours. Additionally, many people hide dissatisfaction with their physical appearance or relationships, such as resentment towards a friend or unhappiness with a partner.
The Psychological Toll of Secrecy
The impact of keeping secrets on wellbeing is multifaceted, involving stress, worry, and fear of exposure. Even positive secrets, like concealing a pregnancy or being in love, can coexist with anxiety. Bianchi's research points to "spontaneous mind-wandering" as a key mechanism: intrusive thoughts about the secret lead to negative emotions, creating a vicious cycle that exacerbates stress and lowers relationship satisfaction. Over time, this can contribute to feelings of inauthenticity and isolation, with some studies linking secrecy to adverse physical health outcomes, such as those related to concealed personal struggles.
Despite these risks, people often prioritise protecting secrets over their own mental health. A 2024 paper by Bianchi revealed that individuals are more likely to suppress emotions or seek distractions rather than confide in others. This suppression, while aimed at safeguarding the secret, can further harm wellbeing by preventing emotional processing.
Secrets in Relationships and Social Contexts
Secrecy is not inherently negative; in professions like therapy, journalism, or espionage, it is essential. Bianchi notes that secrets can serve social functions, such as protecting reputations or enhancing social standing. Sharing a secret can strengthen bonds or create distance, acting as "glue within groups." However, holding others' secrets can be as taxing as keeping one's own, and revealing them is not always beneficial. Confiding in the wrong person or at an inappropriate time can worsen the situation, potentially extending the burden or damaging relationships.
Strategies to Manage the Emotional Impact
For those struggling with the weight of a secret, Bianchi recommends several approaches. Consulting a professional, such as a therapist or community leader, can provide empathy and perspective without necessitating full disclosure. Alternatively, "cognitive reappraisal" involves reflecting on the secret's meaning, assessing risks and benefits, and connecting it to personal values or positive reasons for concealment. Her 2024 research indicates that viewing secrets as immoral or harmful increases their negative impact, so reducing self-judgment and reframing secrecy as "information regulation" can ease the load.
Ultimately, while secrets may never fully disappear, understanding their psychological effects and employing mindful strategies can help mitigate their toll. As Bianchi's work shows, acknowledging the burden is the first step toward better mental health management in an often secretive world.
