Carly Allan, 31, from Winchburgh, has amassed 20,000 followers on TikTok by documenting the raw reality of losing her “happiest little girl” Grace, who died just days before her second birthday.
Grace died in April this year after choking while playing with her sister Charlotte, seven, and dad Nick in the garden of their home. Grace had difficulties swallowing and lived with a feeding tube. Despite her parents attempting CPR, she could not be saved.
Sharing the last video
After her death, Carly said she struggled to watch loved ones getting on with their lives while hers was shattered. She told the Record that sharing a video of Grace playing shortly before her death became the catalyst for opening up on her grief.
“I felt angry because everyone was getting on with their day-to-day life but my life was on pause without Grace,” she said. “I was physically here but mentally somewhere else and I felt so disengaged from everyone around me.”
She added: “I decided to share a video online of Grace playing in the garden before she died. It said 'this was her playing at 4pm and by 4.15pm she was an angel in the sky.' Around 1.5 million people watched it. I was inundated with messages of support, people really thought this was unimaginable. It gave me the confidence to keep sharing.”
Connecting with other parents
Carly has since shared difficult moments online, from visiting her daughter’s grave and marking milestones without her to the heartbreaking results of her post-mortem. “I ended up connecting with so many people who have been through the same thing,” she said. “I found a place where I can say how I feel without judgement.”
Her videos have become a source of support for parents who have experienced similar loss, as well as those caring for terminally ill children. She hopes her journey demonstrates that life can continue after losing a child.
A promise to Grace
“Showing my journey of grief has also made me connect with parents who have terminally ill children, who have told me it has given them hope that there is life after,” she said. “They see that's heartbreaking for me but you can go on. You will still go on holiday, you will still celebrate milestones and other things in your life. Your life shouldn't stop because you've lost your child. And you shouldn't feel guilty for that, because your child wouldn't want you to just be sad.”
“Grace had the biggest smile on her face every day, she took on everything with courage and I promised her I would do the same,” she added.
Despite knowing she will miss Grace forever, Carly says the support of strangers has helped her through the darkest moments. “For the rest of my life I'm going to miss her. I only had her with me for 712 days but she will be with me for the rest of my life.”
