A woman in her 40s has written to Coleen Nolan seeking advice on how to make friends after a divorce and a move to a new area. She says it feels embarrassing to admit she is struggling to connect with other parents, and that her confidence has taken a knock.
The reader explains that she divorced a couple of years ago and is a single mum to one daughter. Her ex is a good parent, but he is a weekend dad. After the divorce, she moved closer to her parents, which meant her daughter changed schools, and she is still adjusting to living in a new area.
She says all the school mums she has met are married, and she is aware of social events happening, but suspects they may not think to invite her because she is on her own. Where she lived before, she had already built up a good group of friends following the divorce, but now she is finding it hard to make new connections. People are friendly enough and make small talk, but it never goes any further, and she wonders if her own lack of confidence might be part of the problem.
Coleen’s advice on rebuilding confidence
In her response, Coleen says the issue may be more about the emotional impact of divorce than anything else, and urges the reader not to feel pressured and to give herself time. She suggests that children can be a good way in to meeting people, and that it only takes connecting with one person for things to snowball.
She advises volunteering at the school and being around at pick-up time so that the reader is present and seeing the same people day-to-day. Coleen acknowledges that it can feel like the first day at school, which is intimidating, but encourages pushing through it and not being afraid to suggest things.
Taking the first step
Coleen suggests getting in touch with the mums of her daughter’s friends to offer a playdate and invite them to stay for a coffee. She also recommends asking them about the area for recommendations, getting involved in things that interest her, and staying in touch with friends from home.
She says people might not check in as often if they think the reader is OK, so it is important not to shy away from admitting when she is feeling lonely or lost. Coleen shares that she has relocated several times in her life, once after divorcing her first husband when her boys were very young, and it took her a good couple of years to find her feet.
She ends by saying that if the reader can stay positive and commit to making a go of it, she will settle in and find her people.
