Every day, the Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle readers' issues with straight-talking advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues and drug use, she has helped thousands of readers over the years. Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters, and not all problems will be published.
Reader fears partner's affair with personal trainer
A reader wrote in saying he is convinced his girlfriend is sleeping with a personal trainer from her gym. He described how she said she was going out 'with friends' but didn't get home until 4am. When he rang her pals, none would tell him where she was. She eventually staggered in, muttering about losing her handbag in a nightclub.
The reader added that a few times recently during sex, he believes she muttered 'his' name at the point of orgasm. He blames himself, as he encouraged her to join a gym and get fit, and complained about her putting on weight. Now she is fit and obsessed with her mentor, attending his classes three times a week at the local health centre. They also go running, swimming, and work out together. He feels left at home like a spare part, lonely and resentful.
Jane's advice: join her at the gym
Jane advised the reader to tell his partner that they need to reset. He is unhappy, and she is hardly at home. Confronting the trainer is not the answer, as it could end in violence or regret. Instead, he should get his trainers on and go with her to the leisure centre and the park, telling her he'd like to turn his life around too. They could exercise together.
Jane pointed out that he can't blame the guy for doing his job, especially since he encouraged her in the first place and criticised her for 'putting on weight'. He must rise to the occasion, woo her back, and prove he is just as vital as her instructor. If he genuinely feels she could be cheating, he should have a heart-to-heart to clear the air and rescue the relationship. The situation reached a crucial stage when she failed to return home until the early hours; she must tell him what's really going on before they can decide if they have a future together.
Second reader's mistake with ex-colleague
Another reader wrote in about sending stupid messages to a girl he used to work with while drunk and angry with his new wife over money. He is terrified the ex-colleague will either want a fling or report him to the police. She hasn't responded, and he is afraid.
Jane advised him to come clean and confess all to his wife, explaining that he was drunk and made a stupid mistake. The ex-colleague may be choosing to ignore him. Honesty, transparency, and a sincere apology are vital. She also questioned why he is drinking so much and why he is so angry, noting that too much alcohol is never an excuse for bad behaviour. She suggested discussing whether his marriage is in crisis with his wife.
