A husband is refusing to let his mother-in-law look after their six-year-old daughter because she has a drink problem, despite his wife's insistence that her mother would never drink while caring for the child.
The man, writing to Coleen Nolan's advice column, says his wife acknowledges her mother's alcohol abuse but makes excuses for her, such as pointing out that she only drinks in the evenings and is fine during the day. She believes her mother should be allowed to spend time with their daughter unsupervised.
Father's priority is his child
The father says he knows his wife loves her mum and wants everything to be normal, but she is ignoring the main issue – the alcohol abuse. He describes his mother-in-law as probably a functioning alcoholic and says he does not want her left alone with their daughter.
He says he is not going to change his mind because his priority must be their child. He gets on well with his mother-in-law, who is a nice person, but she uses alcohol to cope with her problems. Her husband left and she lives alone, so there is no one on the spot to help her or check how much she is drinking.
Advice: support group and open conversation
Coleen says she is with the husband on this one, noting that he is not saying the mother-in-law cannot see her daughter, just that she should not look after her unsupervised. She warns that if anything did happen on her watch, the couple would never forgive themselves or her.
She acknowledges it is a difficult situation because the only person with the power to change it is the mother-in-law herself. She suggests the wife get in touch with al-anonuk.org.uk, a support group for anyone whose life is or has been affected by someone else's drinking.
Coleen also suggests using the situation as an opportunity to speak candidly to the mother-in-law about her drinking and to open up a wider conversation, letting her know they are in her corner and want to help. She says the wife might be in denial but should be told it is nothing personal – the husband is just being a responsible parent and looking out for all of them.
